Happy Friday! Phil
and I talk often about how we can give our kids individual time and speak to
them in their love languages and I thought I would try to compile what's worked
well so far in this parenting gig.
Dates
Once our oldest child was able to
babysit, we started taking the kids on one-on-one (sometimes two kids at once)
dates. These don't happen often, maybe once or twice a year per kid, but
we try to make a thoughtful choice in what to do with them. It usually
involves eating out or going to an event (ice skating, movie, bowling) and
making them feel special. I know their
favorite foods and pick restaurants that serve them or stop by the store for
their favorite snacks. JP’s love
language is “buy me the spiciest chips you can find and some fried chicken. Or better yet, just get me some spicy fried chicken”.
Exercise
One of the best blessings of this past year was gaining a new workout buddy in my daughter Maggie. We attend fitness classes together and do zoom workouts from home. We get to have our own girl time each day and have most definitely bonded by doing this. Phil likes to box/spar with the boys one by one, shoot hoops or throw the football. PLaying with their Dad like this is definitely Andrew and Eamon's love language. We take the family to the track once a week and we all run/walk together. It gives us time to run with each kid for awhile before moving on to the next. Can you believe the younger set of kids actually ask us when we can go run together? They love it!
Watching TV and Playing Games
We're pretty strict with screen
time, so on the weekend we try to watch a show together. We pick a kid's
favorite show, or let them choose the movie, and then sit with them cuddled
under a blanket and eat popcorn. Right now, Alexander's favorite show is
The Hardy Boys and our Sunday night viewing of an episode is his favorite time
of the week. His love language is "sit and watch a screen with me so
I can talk through it the whole time" :)
We also pull out card games and board games and get to have individual
time playing with a kid or two at once.
4)
Errands and Chores
This is such an easy one to take
one kid at a time with us. Sure, grocery shopping isn't the greatest
thrill, but when you're the only kid who can make the snack choices for the
week, you feel pretty powerful! Declan loves tagging along no matter what
the errand is and I can remember going to the dump with my dad and I loved it. Little kids also love helping do chores, so
we play music while we sweep together or I teach them how to bake with me, do
this as often as you can before they realize that chores aren’t fun ;)
5)
Physical Touch
Some of my kids are major huggers and others are like trying to catch feral cats.
But everybody needs physical touch in some way. I love to take the time
to hug each kid and tell them I love them. I hope they will always
remember feeling that. We also do back rubs and dance parties and high
fives, etc. Brendan will come into my bedroom in the morning and lay right on top of me, his love language of physical touch is strong and I always feel bad for his future wife ;)
6)
Conversations
A lot of great conversations with
older kids happen in the car. They’re
stuck with you and they don’t have to make eye contact, and so I use this time
to ask lots of questions. I’m nosy, but
also they will start talking eventually, and follow-up questions are the best
way to get in there. I aim to be as open
and understanding as possible because I want them to talk to me about
anything. We talk often about awkward
subjects like puberty and drugs and what kids their age are doing. I feel like if they’re ok discussing their hairy
armpits with me then they know they can ask me anything. I want them to feel like “I can’t wait to go
talk to Mom about this” and not “I can’t let Mom know about this”. Once they get phones, it’s easy to send a
text wishing them well on their game or congratulating them on their progress
report. Bonus points for stellar emoji use, especially with the middle school
crowd.
A Disclaimer
I also want to point out that even though we try to give our kids individual time, I don't think being from a big family, and therefore having less one-on-one time with Mom and Dad, is a bad thing. Some personalities shine in the spotlight, and others like to hide amongst the chaos. Giving kids siblings allows them to always have someone around to talk to and listen and play, and learning that you're not the center of everyone's attention is a good life lesson. We don't want to raise entitled kids, we want to raise kids who are thrilled with any special time and gifts they get. Little acts of love add up to kids who feel very loved, or at least that's what we're hoping.
Have a wonderful weekend everybody, and I pray you can find simple ways to make everyone in your home feel loved and appreciated. {Linking up with Kelly}
I loved these ideas Colleen! I love to give a hug a day to each of my kids. I’m curious, what are your rules for screen time? We try to limit it as well but I feel like it is all too easy for them to go over the limit so I’m looking for ways to help!
ReplyDeleteThanks Katie! I wrote about it over here: https://www.mamaneedscoffee.com/2018/11/screens-tweens-and-teens-guest-post
DeleteThese are all great ideas! I especially like the one-on-one date idea.
ReplyDelete