Giving Generously and A Family's Legacy

The other day I was scrolling on Instagram, and saw this video by someone whom I do not follow, show up in my feed:

   

It stopped me in my tracks.

It’s so true that we decide to have children if/when we’re young and able, but then we have to trust, hope, and work hard to provide for them in the future. It takes a leap of faith to welcome more children than you think you can afford in the present moment.

Peter Kreeft once spoke at my church and said that discerning family size is like tithing. We should give a little more than we think we can afford. We should give uncomfortably for it to be a true offering from the heart, trusting that God will bless that sacrifice.

It’s right there in Scripture:

Mark 12:41–44

He sat down opposite the treasury and observed how the crowd put money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums. A poor widow also came and put in two small coins worth a few cents. Calling his disciples to himself, he said to them, “Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the other contributors to the treasury. For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.”

Returning to the woman’s point in the video that inspired these thoughts, I felt so sad for her regret, and I know she’s not alone. The window for having children is relatively short compared to the many years spent raising a family. We make those big decisions within a small slice of life, and then we live with the results for the rest of our lives.

I will always remember hearing an interview with Barbara Walters, a woman of incredible professional success, who admitted to one lasting regret: not having more children.

Last month, one of my coworker’s grandfathers passed away. He was the father of eleven children, with over thirty grandchildren and even a few great-grandchildren. Everyone who mentioned his obituary to me spoke about how blessed he was, how wonderful his family sounded, and how respected he was.

It made me think about how, when a family is in the trenches of raising a large brood, they often face judgment and bewilderment. People ask things like:

“Why are they having so many kids?”

“How can they afford them?”

“Don’t they know what causes that?”

Yet years later, when the children are grown, those same families are admired. The comments change to:

“What a beautiful legacy he left behind.”

“What a big family full of love and joy.”

"How truly rich they are."

But to reach that place, to have raised a large, loving family, someone first has to walk through the years of daily struggle, sacrifice, and trust. That grandfather’s story reminded me how important it is to discern family size carefully and faithfully, and to do so when we are still young enough to shape our future family tree.

It is a leap of faith to welcome another baby or adopt another child when our means feel uncertain. But are we foolish to hope it will all work out, or are we faithful to trust that God will provide?  The line can certainly feel thin between the two.

We work hard today so we can retire later.

We train our bodies now so we can run the race later.

We follow God’s commandments so we can enjoy eternal life later.

We constantly sacrifice and toil for future rewards, so why is it harder to see that truth when it comes to having children?

Yes, it’s difficult.

Yes, it’s tiring.

Yes, it’s expensive and requires constant self-giving.

But the payoff is immeasurable. As Harvard’s 85-year study concluded, it’s relationships, not income, status, or possessions, that make people happy.

We only have a small window to decide whether to have children, and sometimes when we change our minds, it’s too late. As the woman in the video said, she regrets not having more, but she's never heard of a large family who regretted welcoming another child.

Not everyone is called to have a big family, and not everyone is blessed with that choice. But if you find yourself on the fence, I encourage you to take that uncertain leap of faith. As someone on the other side of those choices, I can confirm that one more scary, hopeful, and faithful decision can potentially lead to a lifetime filled with love, joy, and the beautiful legacy of family.