(Asking for a friend, obviously.)
Scenario One:
Husband and Wife watch tv together in bed each evening. Wife wants to turn the tv off and fall asleep around 9:30 but husband wants to keep watching tv for awhile.
Should wife just try to fall asleep with tv on, which is difficult for her? Or should husband leave their comfy bed and watch tv in the family room, which may result in sleeping on the couch?
Scenario Two:
College boys report Honda Odyssey is being weird. They bring it to a mechanic who tells them it's unsafe to drive anymore and it needs a whole new engine. They now need a replacement.
Should parents buy a used car, though they were not financially ready, to have available for the boys at spring break, so that they have one for the rest of the semester? Or should college kids have to go without a car for the rest of the semester, and parents postpone buying one until the summer?
Scenario Three:
Husband and Wife work three jobs each in order to provide for all of the expenses of a family of nine with three in college this fall. Husband and wife now make enough income to barely cover said expenses, but also "too much income" when it comes to some of the benefits they used to get when they earned less. Financial aid packages are stingier, some scholarships are now non-eligible, tax deductions/credits are going away, and discounts we received in past for certain services are not available to us anymore.
Should we keep killing ourselves with work to provide to our best ability, even though it means we lose money in benefits? Or should we figure out the income necessary to qualify for all of the benefits we used to receive, and earn only that much?
(Yes, my friend is aware that these are first world problems.)
Scenario one: If it is the sound from the TV that bothers the wife, consider getting good headphones/earbuds that connect to the TV for the husband so he can watch with the lights off. If it's the light that bothers the wife, then maybe a good sleep mask if the wife can tolerate wearing such. Otherwise the husband may have to man up and realize that sleep trumps TV watching, and maybe record his show or watch another time, or save it for the weekends.
ReplyDeleteScenario two: Since I didn't have a car throughout my college years, I would choose not buying a car UNLESS the college kids need it for work/volunteer opportunities.
Scenario three: If the work is indeed "killing" then the latter option, earning only what you need to get the benefits, might be better for work/life balance.
I agree completely with this as well!
DeleteMy answers are exactly the same as Sam's.
DeleteYou had a lot of support, samcarter! Good advice, thank you.
DeleteOh my goodness, are you me? I have lived each of these!
ReplyDelete1) If I'm really tired, option 1, provided he doesn't keep asking me who that actor is or laughing really loud.
( Bluetooth headphones/ear buds a must!). Otherwise, option 3- I got out to couch and fall asleep with a cat or two.
2) Option 2. They don't need a car really, though visiting brother in med school is a nice perk. They can stay on campus or get a ride from someone else. My one daughter's car had the steering fail- we went and rented a u-haul to tow it home, and my husband eventually fixed it. Another daughter would pay for repairs herself when she had a different car on her internship- but it got pricey. Current college daughter wants nothing to do with a car on campus. She just walks everywhere or gets a ride with friends.
3) Option 2. Make less. I only work part time because I don't want to earn too much. The one term I had a full course load, my daughter lost part of her scholarship to the magnet high school which had gotten her a loaner computer every term. I had to call and beg for the loaner- my income was only temporarily raised and I just had my tenth kid. It worked. But this is why I never put my name on any raffle tickets I buy for our school fundraiser. I can't have extra income or it would push us up over a limit. And now I have fewer kids at home, so the hit to need-based scholarships is real. My daughter went from paying 2.5K a term to 5k a term since her sister graduated from college. We also never submit out tax return until after FAFSA has been filled out. The colleges don't need that money! Also, our retirement comes our pre-tax so that our incone/assets look lower ( because they are) and most colleges don't go after retirement accounts.
Hang in there!- mbmom11
I'm such a light sleeper that all of it bothers me, unfortunately. Phil is really good about moving to the couch, but I feel bad because he typically stays out there so as not to wake me up by coming back to bed.
DeleteThey could certainly manage without a car, though Andrew lives on campus in an appt so he has to grocery shop off campus, but obvioulsy has friends with cars.
It's been so disheartening to pile on work to cover the expenses, and then see the negative effects of making more money. It's like we make $10000 too much to qualify for $8000 in scholarships. I'd rather get the scholarship and work less, ya know?
Scenario 1: I'm the one who likes to watch longer sometimes and what I do is watch on a phone with earbuds.
ReplyDeleteScenario 2: If they can get home from college without a large cost, I would just wait until summer for the vehicle.
Scenario 3: Every $1 you make, the FAFSA says you can spend $.20 more on college costs and individual colleges make similar decisions. I don't think there is anything nefarious about trying to get government grants or tax credits to pay for college. Personally, I would consider how much my time is worth and make sure I'm being compensated enough to justify the increased cost and the time sacrifice. My mom went back to work a few years before I went to college so my college cost more. That money she made allowed her to invest in her retirement after being a SAHM and on disability for most of my childhood. It was the right decision for her. If you are using the money to afford retirement savings it might be worth it. If it is just to pay for college, personally, I would consider cutting back for sanity sake.
The phone is a great call! We don't bring our phones into the bedroom for the night, but that might need to change.
DeleteThe financials are confusing to figure out because it's not just for college, but for other big expenses like braces and a car that need to happen this year too. I really need to look at the numbers and see what amount would keep us in the running for the most benefits while also making enough to live off of. Ugh!
1. I swear by the Alaskan Bear eye mask if it's the light that is disturbing. If it's the sound, headphones or closed captioning on mute. If it's both then the living room it is. (And a few nights on the couch would likely break that habit anyway right? I suppose you just got new couches so maybe they're extra comfortable.)
ReplyDelete2. I didn't have a car that I was allowed to drive until my senior year of college. And I didn't have my name on a car until I got married. I survived. And now I live in a world where even the high school freshman are driving to school. Lol. My poor kids will not be getting a car for a long time. So as long as you can safely get them back to campus, they can manage a few months without a vehicle. In a world of fast deliveries from any store imaginable, uber/lyft and fabulous on campus Mass options... where are they going that they need a car that badly?
3. I think the word "killing" is very telling. If all the jobs are actually killing you, then earning less seems like it would be better for your wallet AND sanity. Morally... I find a large difference between college scholarships and financial aid vs "keep having more kids so I can stay on the public insurance" (or whatever it is people tend to say.) And I do not think that's taking advantage of the situation.
It's like looking at whether a parent should return to work once they have a kid. Is the increased income worth the extra expenses, loss of time with family, etc. The rules for financial aid are out there, and if you apply for financial aid following their rules, there's nothing wrong with that. (My husband considers it playing the game. ) And I assure you, over the years, they've adjusted the rules so that there are less protections for assets. And as parents age, the assumption is that they can afford to pay more regardless of the number of dependents you have. -mbmom11
DeleteThanks for the eye mask recomendation, I know your daughter is a fan of them!
DeleteYou are so right about getting things delivered or taking an uber.
I didn't even realize I wrote "killing" so yes, haha, that's how I truly feel! It's so hard to lose benefits worth, say $8000 because we made an extra $10,000. I just don't know how to figure out the exact income limits necessary, and then make that amount of income work day to day.
1. Headphones? Eye mask?
ReplyDelete2. No the college kids don’t need a car. And while my kids are far off from car age, my inclination would be that college age kids would be paying for a new car themselves.
3. Do you like the three jobs? Saying “killing” suggests that it’s too much and that it would be better for work/life balance to cut back on the jobs especially given that it sounds like financially the three jobs aren’t worth it.
I wish my college kids could afford their own cars, but they work a lot in order to pay for half of their tuition, so no funds to buy a car until they graduate! We provide "family cars" that kids can use and they pay for gas and insurance.
DeleteMy older boys got financial need based scholarships that Maggie doesn't qualify for because our FAFSA number is $4000 too much. Andrew alone received $7500 a year from one of these scholarships, so it makes me crazy to realize that making a little more money means taking away scholarships. If it were up to me, I wouldn't work at all, I don't love my jobs and I'm tired from working since age 12, with the last 15 years being full-time.
I can not sleep with the TV on. My husband can't sleep with the TV off. He now uses his iPad, on a stand on his nightstand with an earbud in, and turns down the screen brightness.
ReplyDeleteGosh, I can't tell you what to do with the Car Situation OR the Financial Situation. But I can tell you that making enough money to cover most expenses, but losing all the benefits you used to have is a TOTAL bummer. I feel for your family.
Step 1 - get husband a nightstand. Ha!
DeleteThanks for the sympathy, it's just the first year where the tables have turned for us, in a financial sense. I wish we could get a year or two reprieve to actually go from "barely making ends meet" to "finally getting by" before the benefits start going away.
1. I realize I’m in the minority but husband should move out to the couch to watch.
ReplyDelete2. I think a car is helpful in college, but I’m in similar financial situation and think wait until summer.
3. Figure out the income to qualify for the benefits.
That is what he's been doing, I just don't think it's great for the marriage to make that the norm, ya know?
DeleteWe are looking at cars, but yes I feel no rush to find one fast.
I am going to do just that, not sure how, but chatgpt should help :)
1. I watch Netflix on my phone with the sound off (I "hear" better with closed captioning anyway) when I am up nursing a baby in the middle of the night. That might be a good compromise.
ReplyDelete2. Unless the car is required for off-campus work, it is a nicety, not a necessity!
3. This is a tough one. We are in a similar boat. Our youngest has a lifelong disability that would automatically make her eligible for social security...but we make a little too much. If I quit working, it will substantially reduce our income beyond what we would recoop through SSDI. But then I wouldn't be working and could give our family my full time and attention. Fortunately, our income only counts against her until she is 18, and then she will be eligible.
A nicety, not a necessity is a great phrase!
DeleteIt is a really hard balance to strike, isn't it, sigh.
My answer to #1 depends a bit on what is actually being watched. If an important live sporting event, then I think it makes sense for wife to put on sleep mask/ear plugs and deal with it for one night. But if it's something streaming that is easily accessed on the phone, I would say hubby either moves to couch or watches on phone with earbuds and screen brightness turned down.
ReplyDeleteSince the money is not readily available for a replacement car, I think the college kids can deal. I say this as a college kid who did not own a car until senior year and made out just fine with public transportation/getting rides with friends. Also, isn't the semester only 2 more months at this point?
Oof, the job/college cost balance is so tricky!! We are not there yet, but we DID have a significant boost in our tax return this year with Nick doing slightly less freelance work, which means overall we actually have more in our bank account to show for the year's work. It's frustrating because it feels like you get punished for working hard. And I think the college tuition calculations DEFINITELY are not made with large families in mind. I say it's 100% fair to play the game in terms of making a little less to ultimately come out with more in the end!
That's a good point about what's on the tv - and it's typically just reruns of a show he likes at that time of the night (because I don't want him to watch one of our shows while I'm falling asleep).
DeleteYes the semester is practically over, but we will need one for the summer, so we will have to replace it between now and May 8ish.
You said it perfectly "punished for working hard", indeed.
Oh, I must be in a mood today, because this is the second "conversation" that has involved the issues of college costs. Sigh.. and it is not affecting me in a good way. First of all, one of the previous commentors said "colleges don't need the money"...and I am flabbergasted by that. WHAT? Oh, I get it...the huge football team spends a ton of money -- but that is usually from alumni and corporations. But...do you think your child's professors don't need to be paid to do their job? Do you think the custodians that clean the classrooms don't need to be paid?
ReplyDeleteBut we were in the same position at one time, as your are now, with a big downward bump in the amount FAFSA would give us...when we were down to only one college student in the family after having three in college at the same time. And I suppose if you think only about your own contribution it seems unfair. But...there are very poor students out there. If you could think that the extra $8,000 you are going to pay is going to some student who does NOT have two healthy adults helping support her, who will NEVER be given a car to use, who will still struggle on the aid she gets.
I went to college many years ago, only because of financial aid (okay...likely a lot of it was merit based..it was a long time ago). And it seemed I was surrounded by people with SO MUCH MONEY. Now I look at it and realize my kids had all those advantages! My classmates weren't the 1% filthy rich. They were just middle-income Americans who could afford old cars to give them, or whatever.They had two healthy parents working, not one single mom working 6 days a week and not only supporting me but also supporting my grandmother. So...if you can..try and think of it that way. That there is some kid who would NOT go to college without that extra $8000 in aid that you didn't get this year.
Well, I think we would find if we dug into the numbers that the vast majority of (hugely inflated compared to CPI) tuition funds go to administrative overhead, extravagant construction expenditures (like sports stadia as you mention), and other items that don’t actually affect the take-home pay of the professors or the quality of education. It is a huge problem- since a college education became a consumer good several decades ago, subsidized by federal loans, costs to the student have skyrocketed beyond recognition.
DeleteAnn, I do work for a university, it's my second job where I teach three classes online, so yes of course I think professors should be paid.
DeleteI think it's more of a personal question for me than a general comment on the cost of college and where the money goes.
I am a mom of seven who works a full-time accounting job, teaches six online classes a year, and runs the behind-the-scenes of our family business (ice cream shop) so I'm doing my very best to provide, as is my husband who is a high school teacher and the Director of Religious Ed at our parish and runs the front-end of our family business all summer. Are we blessed that we are happily married and healthy? Absolutely!
I'm not sitting on my behind thinking colleges should grant me financial aid while I stay home and take care of my family. I'm just trying to figure out at what point does working so hard make us lose scholarship and grants, and is it worth it to keep doing so much. Everyone has the opportunity to make more money by working more, but at some point they have to choose the best work/life balance for their situation.
I want anyone who can qualify for financial aid to receive it, and I also want them to work hard to pay their tuition bills. That's what we're trying to do, not cheat the system, but find the optimal balance.
Actually, I teach at a college, and I see how tuition money gets wasted by rebranding initiatives, new administrators whose only jobs make more work for professors, consultants who charge then earth for no real value.. faculty salaries don't increase. A few of my kids have gone to schools with billion dollar endowments as well- scholarship money doesn't flow out like you might think. However, we play by the rules they establish. We have never lied or cheated to get financial aid.
Delete1. No TV in the bedroom at all.
ReplyDelete2. If they live on campus, they probably can make it work without a car for 3 months.
3. If you love all your jobs, keep them. But if you don't love one of the jobs and it's making you earn "too much", it's time to reconsider, because then what's even the point?
Funny... when we were having so many babies, people would rudely say "You should get a tv in your bedroom" and we were like WE HAVE ONE! Theoretically I agree with no tv in the bedroom but realistically, if we want to watch a show when our kids are awake, we need our own tv.
DeleteI don't love the jobs, but I feel like that's why they are called "work" - ha! We are trying to find a balance, because you're right, what is the point?
I am one who likes to watch TV for about 30 to 40 minutes before I go to sleep. I use close caption to watch and I put the TV on a timer just in case I fall asleep. I never had a car when I went to college. I just retired after 25 years of my job. Sometimes I liked it sometimes I didn’t. I’m just happy that I didn’t have to work extra to make it in life.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your retirement! I think if I still had babies at home, it would be an easy decision to work less so I could be with them, but with everyone in school it makes sense to go to work and help provide. The job I'm in now has a pension, but it takes 10 years to get vested and I'm hoping I can hold on for that long!
DeleteI have to have TV noise in the background when I fall asleep. That is a non negotiable for me. Dan likes to read in bed before he falls asleep but the tv noise bothers him. Our solution - he wears noise cancelling headphones whiles he's reading. I wish I could help you with your financial questions. My only advice is to continue to pray for wisdom and provision.
ReplyDeleteThis is so relatable. We never watch TV in the bedroom, or almost never. If we do, Coach controls the remote. He has to get up earlier than I do and on the days when he can sleep in - he is usually awake early anyway. I'm sometimes interested in continuing watching when he turns it off, but he makes that call. We watch tv usually on the couch - again, he's in charge of the remote. I tend to fall asleep on the couch, so if that's happening he turns if off and makes me go to bed. Probably wise.
ReplyDeleteI'd say college boys live without a car at college. Might be inconvenient, but none of our kids have had a car while away at school thus far and they manage to get rides home for breaks, etc. Most of the time.
I used to do our taxes and one year I put my income in and it put us into the next tax bracket, so I tried it again as if I'd not make any income. It turned out that all of my income essentially went to pay our taxes, so what was the point? That was back when I was working at a Catholic school running their advancement etc. and substitute teaching on my days off. I was killing myself to make money and for what? My income now - not reporting it. I get paid cash. Big difference. We inherited money from my uncle a few years ago, which was nothing short of amazing. We don't plan to touch it (not liquid) for years, but as a result Curly couldn't get the Evans - didn't qualify for financially needy enough. I feel like the committee didn't take into consideration that we have 8 kids and two of them have to attend private school, etc.