The Assumptions People Make

Hi everybody...Baby Martini and I are still here, in one piece, despite my best attempts to turn us into two pieces.  I would post a photo but I am definitely at the not-pretty-part-of-pregnancy and I don't want to scare anyone from having more babies :)

It's so fun to get people's reactions when I waddle out in public and they ask me when I'm due (it MUST be soon!), if it's a boy or girl (What?  you don't know?  I just HAD to know!), and if it's my first baby...which is when their replies get veeeeery interesting.

Is this your first?

No, my sixth.

Your WHAT?  

This is my sixth baby.

Mine only come one at a time.

And then come the assumptions....

1. You must be a saint.

(I'm so far from it, it's not even funny.)

2. You must have tons of patience.

(Nope, that's why God keeps giving me more opportunities to grow in that virtue.)

3. You must stay at home.

(I wish, but I work full-time.)

4. You must have lots of hand-on help.

(My husband does more than his share, but that's pretty much it.)

5. Your kids must all get along.

(No, my other job is referee.  I don't just wear stripes to be fashionable.)

6. You must have a big house to fit everyone.

(We have what we need, and are building an extra bedroom to accommodate them all.)

7. You must be saving for their college educations.

(Um, considering we just paid off our own student loans, that would be a no.)

8. Upon finding out we only have one girl:

You must be trying for another girl.

(Well, we would love to give Maggie a sister, but boys are awesome.)

9. You must love being pregnant.

(Nope, not at all.  But I love what comes at the end!)

10. You must be a good Catholic.

(I'm a practicing Catholic.  Emphasis on the practicing.)

Then the sweet ones start over-sharing with me, explaining that they would have loved a big family, BUT...

1. Kids are so expensive. 

(We're rich in love.)

2. My nerves couldn't handle it.

(Mine can't either, that's why I exercise.)

3. I have no family around.

(I do, but we are all busy raising our own families.)

4. I got bad morning sickness.

(Singing to the choir, sistah!)

5. I had a boy, then a girl, and they don't make any other kinds.

(This one kills me.  Spend one minute with any two of my boys and tell me they are not completely different.)

6. My husband/wife doesn't want any more.

(This one makes me so sad.)

7. We wanted to give our kids enough {time, love, attention, stuff}

(We try our best, and trust that siblings are the best gift.)

8. I wanted to get my body back.

(I'm relying on the promise of the perfect one in the next life, cuz this one's long gone.)

9.  I can barely handle my three children!

 (I could barely handle my three kids either!  It gets easier.)

10.  Our dogs are our babies.

(Blank stare.)

Here's the thing.  I don't think every married couple is called to have a big family, just as I don't think that everyone is called to have a small family.  What I really, really, believe is that we all need to let go our assumptions of the ins and outs of someone else's family choices.  It's between them and God.  

I hope that our choice to have a lot of kids isn't causing anyone else guilt or anger, because surprise! it's not about you.  Just as your family decisions aren't about me!  If there's one thing I've learned in this journey called life, it's that I'm so glad I'm not in charge because I would make a terrible god.  When we let Him change hearts and heal souls, then He can use all for good.  And hopefully we can be a willing and open part of His plan. 

 Until then, let's stop making donkeys of ourselves :)