There have been a few times in my life when a realization about myself has hit me like a ton of bricks. A passing comment made by someone would strike me to my inner core and have me questioning my reality vs. how others perceived me. These people didn't even know that what they had said was so earth-shattering to me, but when you can remember it after all of these years, you know it had a big effect on your person. Or perhaps I just feel too much?
When I was growing up, the fifth of six children living on Cape Cod, I used to annoy my older sisters and brothers a lot. They constantly had to babysit me in the summer, as my parents owned an ice cream shop and were always working. I wanted to have a "normal" childhood, and would ask to go to the beach or the playground or somewhere fun and would get upset when they wouldn't take me and try to annoy them into it. One day my older sister looked at me and said "You are going to get beat up in high school". In the moment, I hated her, but that comment really did make me realize how bratty I was acting and I tried to be better, not wanting future Colleen to get beaten up.
~ The One When I Realized My Future Had Limitations ~
I used to have horrible psoriasis as a child, and had to put this really stinky coal tar on my shins and hands before bed each night, then sleep with sweatpants and gloves because it would stain and make a mess of the sheets if I didn't. It was an ordeal, but it did work eventually. Anyway, the dermatologist made a comment while inspecting my psoriasis-y fingers that the treatment would help, but that I "would never be a hand model". Tears sprung to my eyes even though I never once considered modeling of any kind, but it was the first time someone had told me there were things I couldn't be even if I had wanted to. All these years later and tears still fill my eyes just remembering that remark.
~ The One When I Realized the Impression I Gave ~
I am an introvert, and a shy person at heart. Through years of customer service and growing up in a big family, I have learned to make small-talk and be polite and fake it until I make it with being friendly. The perfect friend for me was always someone who was more confident, more talkative and could make me laugh like crazy. And they had to pursue me for a friendship, as I tend to think others wouldn't be interested in getting to know me. That sounds more depressing than it feels. Ha! Anyway, when I was a Junior in high school and my sister was a Freshman, I passed her in the hallway and smiled and said hi to her and her friend. My sister later told me that her friend was so shocked that I said hi to her because she always thought I was such a snob. I was floored that somebody thought of me in this way, I'm not stuck up, I'm just shy! But it did teach me to force a smile and look others in the eyes even when all I wanted to do was look down at my shoes.
~ The One When I Realized Whom was Being Pitied ~
Recently at my new job, I had a huge awakening after pushing myself to converse with a couple coworkers. These coworkers seemed like they just needed someone to talk to, like the outcasts of the office. So I would pull on my big girl pants, remind myself that Jesus loves everyone, and patiently talk with them when they walked by my office. Oh they told me stories of their illnesses and tupperwares that were stained, and the soup recipe they made, etc all while I was repeating my inner mantra to be kind. be kind. be kind. I don't know what prompted it, but one day I had an AHA! moment that it was THEM who were pitying ME and being kind to me as the new employee. They were going out of their way to include me and probably viewed me as the outcast here. Like Colleen, who do you think you are? Get in your place! That thought still makes me chuckle, and reminds me of the doggy bumper sticker "Who rescued who?"
How about you? I would love to hear of the comments that shook you to your very core, but also taught you a valuable life lesson. Let's discuss!
