I have been thinking a lot lately about marriage. This is probably because Phil and I are going to his best childhood friend's wedding next week, and he is going to be the Best Man. Phil is nervous about giving the speech and has been thinking of what to say. Personally, I would REFUSE to give a speech, public speaking is one of my worst fears!! So he is brave in my book :) Anyway, what advice would you give to a newly married couple? What secrets would you let them in on? What hopes and dreams would you support, and which ones would you throw out the window?
As for me, I think my best advice is to have kids right away, if possible. We did this, and it has worked out great! I feel that focusing on yourselves and waiting to have kids makes it harder when you become a parent. Because then you have a lifestyle you were used to that gets "ruined" by the baby's arrival, and the two incomes that you were used to making seem impossible to give up in order to stay at home with the kids. Having them right away makes everyone involved learn how to pull together and sacrifice and work as one unit. It makes family a priority and not just an afterthought, it makes married men and women fulfill their roles as God intended, and it makes the early years of marriage fun and exciting, instead of selfish and materialistic.
I know there is another side to this, and everybody has a right to their opinions. Some may say that working and making money first is better (but then is there ever really a 'right' time to have a baby? When have you made 'enough' money?). Some may say that a couple has to get to know each other (isn't that what dating and engagement are for?). Some may say that not everybody who CAN have children HAS to have children (so then what is the real point of marriage?).
Children are gifts from God, and we should remember that even when it gets tiring and hard. In the end, when we look back on our lives, what's really more important than faith and family?
I think having kids right away helps too! It's the glue that keeps you together even in the hardest times. There is so much advice to give isn't there? A couple important things...remembering you TWO are a family now, and your allegiance to each other is more important than anything or anyone else...even (and sometimes most importantly) extended family. Also, always remembering what you love about him/her...when stuff drives you crazy, it's good to look back to what attracted you to that person in the first place. Respect in the way you speak...walking away before getting so angry you say something you regret. I don't believe in the "never go to bed angry" saying...I think most likely you will wake up in the morning and be able to talk about it rested and without so much emotion involved.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to your husband with the speech...yes, not a position I'd like to be in either!
Did you cry when Maggie turned one? It makes me sad they are so old already? Ready for a next one yet?
I absolutely agree!
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ReplyDeleteGood advice. I didn't actually cry when Maggie turned one, but I was a teensy bit sad. I'm not ready yet for another...I think it's because Eamon and Maggie are only 14 months apart, so I still feel like I have 2 babies. But, of course, it's God timing, not my own! Eventually I'll get to the point of wanting another baby :-) How about you?
I agree with you, Colleen. Even though we did not plan to have children right away, we became pregnant two months into our marriage and it was the best thing that happened to us. We had our second child the day after our second anniversary and our third child a few months after our third anniversary. (Then #4 arrived just before our 6th anniversary)
ReplyDeleteParts of me wish we would have had that first year for traveling and saving money but in hind sight, I think it would have allowed us (or maybe just me) to become selfish with our time together. I don't know what good it would have done for us and now, seven years later, I'm so glad that God stepped in and let us know that he had a better plan for us. His way always works out better, doesn't it?
Good luck!
I completely agree with you. It's nice to find others that think this way because far too many absolutely do not. We got pregnant with my son about a 1.5 after we were married and it really was a blessing. I will admit we had the mind set of "waiting, getting established, and on and on". I am so glad God had a plan for us and changed our hearts. I quit my job after my son was born and haven't looked back sense.
ReplyDeleteI hear too the same "you need to get to know each other first" and you're right engagement and dating is for that. If you don't "know" each other before you get married then you shouldn't be getting married. Children are a true blessing.
I too would want to pass up the speech I hate public speaking. I am totally fine utnil I step up there. I passed out once, lol!!
My advice; pray together and start now. It's a vulnerable thing to do and once you start young and show your children how wonderful it is you're marriage and family will only grow stronger.
Good luck to your husband.
My mother defined marriage for us at our wedding. She said, "Marriage is spending the rest of your life in house that's too hot with someone who thinks it's too cold." 13 years later, and I think she was pretty close.
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