Wednesday, November 15, 2017

First Comes Love

I love having big kids.  I love hanging out with them and chatting, watching them play sports and develop their skills, and seeing glimpses of the adults they are quickly becoming.  They are helpful and smart and funny and kind and they warm my motherly heart.  I love having little kids.  They are cute and cuddly, delight in the little joys in life, and keep us all smiling from their crazy antics.  They are sweet and clever and funny and affectionate and they also warm my motherly heart.

I just wanna smooch their little faces!

But do you know what I love even more than all my kids? 

Well, yes, God. 

But in between God and my children?  My husband. 

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes babies in a baby carriage.  Without the love between husband and wife, there would be no baby, yet sometimes I forget to flame the fire of our marriage.

It's hard enough keeping all the balls in the air between work and home and all the kids and all their activities.  The marriage ball is an easy one to put down, knowing our spouse is our teammate and together we are working towards keeping everything afloat.  When my husband is trying to talk to me, but the 3 year old yells that he needs help in the bathroom, obviously I need to tend to the three year old.  Kids are needy and their needs are more immediate, so that also makes it harder to save a little space for the needs of our spouse.  Pretty much every day, Phil or I will say to each other "I need to talk to you about something later" just to remind ourselves to check in with each other at the end of the day, after all the kids are in bed, after all the house chores are done. 

But every once in a while, we must  put our spouse first and not as an afterthought at the end of a long day.  Phil needs to know that I like having him around for his sense of humor as much as his child-wrangling skills.  For his patient wisdom as much as his jar opening capabilities.  So each day, we try and take some time every day to reconnect and just be us.  Taking the dog for a twenty minute walk every night has become a date of sorts as we can reconnect and talk without little ears trying to hear our plans.  Going for a run on the weekend together, or grocery shopping alone, eating out for a quick meal while the kids get to hang with their favorite babysitter.  These things make us both happy and we can come back home ready to tackle the demands of our busy life.  I want to try and make time (and save money) for little overnight getaways every once in a while too...and as the kids get older, it will be much more doable.  I think.  I hope!

For this upcoming Advent, I'm going to focus on our marriage.  I'm constantly focused on the kids - their needs, their wants, filling their love tanks.  While I'll continue that, because momming is my vocation... I'll also use this season to focus a bit more on my holy husband, because wifing is my vocation too.  I want to pray together more often, especially for our kids future marriages (if that is their calling!), spend more time talking and laughing instead of watching tv, and  perform little acts of kindness towards the man whom I'm lucky to call mine.  I would love to welcome Jesus' birth feeling like I've given my all to the ones who deserve the best of me, not the worst of me, and making sure my family feels loved and happy and at peace.  And first comes love.   


  1. I kind of love this idea. I think that perhaps I may join you in spending Advent focusing on my marriage.


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