On Instagram Quitting Me Before I Quit It

 Oh social media, you fickle beast.  Long ago, I signed up for a Facebook account and quickly realized that I was spending too much time on the site, looking up old friends, and getting caught up on everybody's life.  I deleted it and haven't looked back.  I continued blogging, as I have been doing somewhat regularly since January 2008 (!).  Then Instagram came along, and I decided to dip my toes in that muddy water.  I loved it.  I loved connecting with people who used to write blogs but had since switched over to Instagram instead.  I loved easily posting a photo and writing a short caption instead of sitting down at my computer, uploading photos from my camera or phone, and creating a long post on the blog.  I loved having some form of entertainment right at my fingertips when I was bored or waiting at a sports practice or in the bathroom (don't pretend you don't do that too!).

But with all earthly pleasures, I began to see that I was growing a bit too attached to that dopamine hit that comes along with getting likes and followers and comments.  I was pulling out my phone to scroll and read about other people's lives instead of focusing on the people right in front of me.  One day my husband said to me "I wish you looked at me the way you looked at Instagram" and I knew something had to change.  I started enforcing time frames when I allowed myself to scroll, never around the kids or husband.  I gave up Instagram for Lent a few years in a row, which was always hard but so fruitful.  I could feel myself being more patient, as my attention was not being pulled a million ways.  I felt more at peace worrying about those around me than those all over the world.  I felt more joyful being content in my own life instead of coveting other's highlight reel of a life.  

But on Easter, what would I do?  Hop (pun intended) back on to post a photo and see what everybody else had been up to during the time I was off.  FOMO is real and strong though I wish I didn't care so much.  This past summer, I started getting comments from a couple people on Instagram regarding the choices our family was making during the pandemic.  We had visited a few states, and while following the rules of each state, our idea of living life safely (but fully) didn't match up with their ideas of how we should be doing it.  I was offended by these comments (turns out my skin is the thinnest part of my body) and became afraid to post photos that might be judged.  I stopped sharing my life as openly and started to see all of the arguments going on around me online.  Between the pandemic, BLM, masks, school choices, and social lives, it seemed there was no winning when posting a photo.  

It was extremely eye-opening to me that we all saw current events so completely different.  I mean, duh, we all have different views on life, but when you share a faith, a vocation, and values with someone, you would think they would agree with you politically, right?  Likewise, when someone doesn't share the same faith, values, or lifestyle as you, you would be surprised to find out they align with you politically.  I kept being shocked over and over again.  My husband and I find ourselves scared to mention current events with coworkers, the family in the pew behind us at church, or parents at our kids' Catholic school.  You just never know how anyone feels or what might offend them.  I'm not saying that we all need to have the same stance on politics or the pandemic, but it was just very enlightening to realize who landed on which side.  Even my own family didn't quite line up the way I thought they would.

As the election draws closer, I decided I needed to take a break from social media.  For now, it's just too heated for me, but I'm hoping I can cut the tie forever.  Oddly enough, Instagram has decided that I'm a bot and has blocked my activity on there since Saturday.  I can post a photo but it erases my caption, and I cannot like, comment, or follow anybody (and Jim Caviezel just joined!!)   Although I'm super frustrated to have Instagram take away my rights, I am realizing that I was heading that way anyway.  I just wanted to be the dumper instead of the dumpee, you know?  Maybe this is just God working his magic to cut me off before it gets any worse.  So for now, I'll be here when I feel called to write, but in the meantime, I'm going to look at my family's faces as much as I used to look at my phone.  They deserve it, and I want to lead by example.