The Colonoscopy Review

 I'm sitting here on the other side of my first colonoscopy at the age of 45 and I want to talk about it.  If you don't want to know the nitty gritty details, please skip this post.  

Ok I warned ya!  

I don't have a family history of colon cancer (thank goodness) but I am a big believer in annual physicals and mammograms and skin checks and getting a colonoscopy as soon as age allows.  Why not catch something early if you can?  So if anyone needs a little nudge to make the appointment, please consider this your gentle reminder.

Long story short, it wasn't that terrible.

TMI Alert: Appointments are made months ahead of time, and as Murphy's Law would have it, I had my monthly visitor at the same time as the colonoscopy prep and procedure.  So that was fun.  I'm guessing this wasn't such an issue when women didn't start having colonoscopies until the age of 50, but I read about it online and everything said I could still have the colonoscopy so I went ahead.

I got the call on Friday to tell me that my colonoscopy would be at 8:30 am on Monday.  My last meal was on Saturday after Mass, and I chose fried scallops and sweet potato fries, followed by a cookie.  Hey calories don't count when you're about to flush everything out.

On Sunday morning, I woke up and had a cup of coffee with cream at 8am because only clear liquids started at 8:30 (24 hours before the procedure).  I'm used to only drinking coffee in the morning, so that wasn't hard.  I went for a 3 mile walk with Maggie and the dog because I figured I would be stuck in the house for the rest of the time and I'm glad I did that because I was.  Around noon, I had a cup of hot water mixed with a packet of chicken flavor from a ramen package.  I also ate a few gummy bears (yellow and white are allowed) and drank some tea with honey.

At 3pm, I had to take 4 dulcolax then drink miralax mixed in gatorade at 4pm, then drink the same mixture again at 2:30 am.  The mixture was 32 ounces of fluid each time and was supposed to be drank (drunk?) within an hour.  I used cold gatorade zero and it tasted totally fine, but it took me about an hour and a half to drink the first part.  I was very nervous about throwing up but I did not, and I only felt nauseous right before I started drinking at 4pm, which was probably due to taking four times the laxatives normally recommended, and on an empty stomach no less.

The bowels started emptying about 5 pm and I went to the bathroom a few times, but it wasn't an emergency rush like I thought it would be.  I had prepared all the children to not use the downstairs bathroom that evening, in case of emergencies, but honestly if someone was in there, I could have waited a minute or two.  I also had Phil pick up some Depends for me to wear when I slept in case of leakage (multiple things I read said to sleep with a towel underneath and that sounded disgusting and messy) but I never put one on and didn't have any feeling that leakage would happen.  It didn't.  Am I bragging about my clenching ability?  I guess so.

I ate a lime popsicle about 7pm, and fell asleep around 9pm and woke up a few times, not to use the bathroom, but just because I was afraid I would sleep through the 2:00 am alarm.  Alas, I did not.  I got the prepared drink out of the fridge and drank it through a straw from my Stanley while I was kind of resting in bed.  It reminded me of labor when you're in between contractions and you're not really asleep but you're in a dozy state of mind.  Doze, sip, doze, sip.  Every sip made my insides feel very cold and I was so happy to be laying under my heated blanket. I had to start using the bathroom again an hour after I started drinking, then I would come back to bed and drink some more, etc. etc. until I fell asleep about 4am without having finished the last little bit of the drink (maybe a cup's worth).  

I woke up at 7ish and went to the bathroom again.  I will say that it was coming out like water but it didn't look like water, and I was worried I wasn't completely cleaned out.  I was also having stomach grumbles that I couldn't tell were hunger pains or because I needed to go to the bathroom.  I just kept trying to go up until I jumped in the shower and headed out to the appointment.  I got there at 8:30 and went right back to get prepped.  They asked me for a urine sample, which was hard to procure after my many, many bathroom trips in the last 24 hours, but they said they only needed a few drops.  Then I changed into the gown and socks.  Everything else is supposed to come off (I was hoping I could leave my sports bra on but nope) and I was given a pair of those disposable postpartum granny panties and a pad to wear due to my female situation.  

The nurse did all the intake questioning, threw away my urine sample when I told her I was currently having my period (I guess it was for pregnancy testing! That would have been nice to avoid.) and gave me an IV in my hand. Phil and I just sat around listening to everyone else answer their questions (curtains are not soundproof, it turns out).  The doctor came and talked to me quickly, asked about family history and seemed so kind and joyful and put me at ease.  Then the anesthesiologist came and made some jokes about the good night's sleep and big breakfast I must have had, and informed me of all the ways the anesthesia and surgery could go wrong, asked me if I wanted more info about anything to which I responded that I would have liked less info, and we laughed and I signed the papers trying not to think about all the ways this could go sideways.  

COLONEEN  :)

After a kiss goodbye from Phil, I was brought back fairly quickly (around 9:30, so one hour after I arrived) and was a little surprised at the room I was wheeled into.  It was tiny and cramped with lots of medical equipment.  A nurse appeared on my right, and one on my left, then a nurse anesthetist started getting ready to put me to sleep and the doctor appeared behind me and everyone verified my name and date of birth and the fact that I was going to have a colonoscopy.  I was told to roll on my side and they put a pad under me, and the meds were put in my IV while I was told I would feel lightheaded for a moment, which I did...

... and the next thing I know was that I was being rolled back to the recovery room.  I remember saying that I dreamed of the Real Housewives (?) and I asked if everything went okay and they told me it all went well.  The Propofol sleep felt so amazing and I just kept closing my eyes trying to fall back into that sleep but I couldn't.  The nurse asked me if I wanted some juice or to keep resting and I chose to keep resting.  Maybe five minutes later she offered juice again and I got the cranberry, sadly realizing I wasn't getting any more sleep here.  Phil was in the waiting room and they called him back and we sat there for a bit until the doctor came and told me the best news - No polyps and I did a great job with the prep and I don't need a colonoscopy for 10 more years.  I was pretty sure I was going to have polyps removed (common in my family) or maybe be told I had celiac disease or Crohn's so I was very happily surprised. Worrywart, who me?

I got dressed and Phil took me to breakfast where I ordered coffee, 3 eggs, 2 sausages, 4 strips of bacon, homefries, and a grilled portuguese roll and ate it all.  Gosh I was starving, but then I couldn't eat the rest of the day, except for some crackers and cheese with my tea that evening, because it filled me up too much.  Worth it.  I took it easy the rest of the day, laid around and watched tv and walked the dog a little.  I slept great that night, both from the lack of sleep the night before and from the fact that the procedure was over with good results.

Overall it was definitely less traumatic than I thought it would be.  Everybody says the prep is the worst part and I agree that it's worse than the actual procedure, but I think the fasting and lack of sleep are worse than drinking the prep/going to the bathroom.  Have you had a colonoscopy yet?  Any funny moments to share?