Wednesday, August 12, 2009

LOL, ROTFL, etc.

..........And the fish was this big!! Hahahahahaha - huh?

My 6 and 4 year old are obsessed with telling jokes, and once they were tired of the few they knew, they started making up crazy jokes that didn't even make sense.
So, I found these jokes, and they are having a blast reading and trying to memorize them all.

(Can I take a moment and brag about how GREAT a reader my 4 year old is...he seriously amazes me. OK, bragging moment over!)

Here's the list if your kids are as interested in being stand-up comedians as mine are ;)

Disclaimer: These jokes will cause parents to groan internally while fake laughing externally to please your child. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

1. What do ghosts wear when it snows? Booooots

2. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have any guts

3. Who do you call a cow that eats grass? A lawn moooer

4. Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the mooovies

5. What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck? Milk and quackers

6. What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper? Rough! Rough!

7. What dog keeps the best time? A watchdog

8. Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny

9. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut

10. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station

11. How many paws does a bear have? One paw and one maw

12. What are Dino bandages for? Dinosores

13. Why do ducks fly south? Because it’s too far to walk

14. Why didn’t the duck ear his soup? He couldn’t find his quackers

15. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide

16. Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words

17. What did the flea say to the other flea? Should we walk or take the dog?

18. Why is the father centipede so upset? All his kids need new shoes

19. What did the mother lightening bug say to the father lightning bug? Junior use is bright

20. Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools

21. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand….

22. What are the most commonly used letters in the skunk alphabet? P and U

23. What’s worse than finding a worm in you apple? Finding half a worm

24. What is black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill

25. What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn

26. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he was feeling crummy

27. What kind of apple isn’t an apply? A pineapple

28. Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well

29. Why does the ocean roar? You would too if you had crabs in your bed!

30. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved

31. What falls in the winter and never gets hurt? Snow

32. How many jelly beans can you put in a jar? Only one- after that, the jar isn’t empty anymore

33. What did not eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells

34. What flowers grow between your nose and your chin? Tulips

35. Why did the car stop in the middle of the road? Because it was wheely, wheely tired

36. Why did the girl throw the butter outside? She wanted to see the butterfly

37. Why does a cowboy ride a horse? Because it’s too heavy to carry

38. Three men were standing under one umbrella, but no one got wet. How can this be? It wasn’t raining.


  1. I laugh at this stuff too.

  2. HA! My six and four year olds also love the jokes. And yes, they also make up their own which do not make any sense :) Thanks for this new list that will keep them occupied for hours!!!

  3. I think it is awesome how great your 4 year old reads...brag away!!!
    My girls used to spend hours making up silly jokes, I loved it. THose are really cute.

  4. So funny. My 5 year old nephew is obsessed with jokes, but can't quite figure out the punchlines. He is hilarious!



    THANKS Colleen!!!! I am printing those jokes as I have SEVERAL children who share in the aspirations of your children!!! Here's just one more for you:

    The secretary walks into the boss's office and says, "Mr. Boss, Mr. Ghost is here for an appointment" and the boss replies, "Well...tell him I can't SEE him today"!!!!!!!! AAahhahahahhahhaa

    P.S. That photo of you and your sweeties is BEAUTIFUL!

  6. Oh...(and I can't make my print teeny weeny like you did, but....)

    YAY for your GREAT READER!!!!!!!!!

  7. I bet a laughed for a good five minutes about the worm and the apple. LOL!!!!Thanks for sharing.


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