Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Languages of Love

Have you all heard of the 5 Love Languages?  They were "discovered" by a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman 

(The following is quoted from his website)

After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.
Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five love languages proved to be universal and comprehensive: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

You can take the quiz here to find out what language you speak.

Personally, I show my love through Gift Giving, and I prefer to receive my love through Acts of Service.  This is great because Phil definitely shows his love through Acts of Service, but I'm not sure how he prefers to receive love.  I don't think it is through Gift Receiving...I think it might be Physical Touch.  I better work on that, because I think it's so important to be able to love people in the way they feel most loved.

What Love Language do you "speak" and which language to you want to "hear"?


  1. I LOVEEEEEEE the 5 love languages so much...

    I'm word of affirmation, followed by physical touch

  2. Colleen,
    We have this book; we were given it as a wedding gift, and I have found it useful. I LOVE how you summarized each of the five love languages. I have not seen them summarized so succinctly and so well. This would be a good book for Andy and I to revisit again. Thanks!

  3. Kim, I wish I could take credit for the descriptions, but they are from the website I linked to. I will make a note about that in the post. Don't want to plagerize :)

  4. This is great!!!
    I certainly like receiving ALL of these, but I think Acts of service might be my fave.
    Giving? I think words of affirmation is the one I give the most.

  5. We talked about these in our pre-cana class thing. I'm definitely the receiving gifts type. But not materialistic either, it's just how my family grew up showing we cared. Birthdays and Christmas presents area big deal! I think that'd be me for both hearing and speaking. I LOVE giving presents :)
    Steve would be physical touch I believe.

  6. I have this book on my night stand. We should really read it. I always think I have to read another book before this one and then it gets lower and lower in the pile. Since we are having our 5th wedding anniversary next week I should make a vow to get this book open!

    I am going to guess...I'm affirmation and my husband is attention on receiving. I think giving I am acts and he is also. I'll have to check back after reading the book.

    Great post!

  7. i read this in the fall of 2003. my dh expresses his love through physical touch and would prefer to recieve physical touch back...but i am a service person and i would prefer gift giving from who doesn't love getting gifts, right?

  8. I absolutely ate this book up! It changed our perspective on how to appreciate one another. I have shared it with tons of friends and family and it actually saved the marriage of a close friend!!!

  9. VERY interesting..
    i think i like to receive through 'acts of service' too...

    when hubs does something out of the ordinary.. washing clothes when he has a day off.. vacuuming.. moping.. whatever... it touches me so i literally tear up.. yea! no kidding!!

  10. I give Acts of Service to my hubby because that is what he needs. I need Words of Affimation, and he is working on it. lol =)


Talk to me...