Doctor: What brings you here today?
Me: My ear hurts.
Doctor: Do you have any other symptoms, like a cold or fever?
Me: I've had a tiny bit of a runny nose, and I never get fevers that would register as one. My body's natural temperature is too low.
Doctor: How do you know that?
Me: Because when I used to chart my basal body temperature, I had to create new charts because my temps didn't even exist on the pre-made charts.
Doctor: (looks at me strangely) Moving on....do you have seasonal allergies?
Me: Not that I know of.
Doctor: Is it possible that you are pregnant?
Me: Yes, it's always a possibility.
Doctor: (again with the strange look) Are you trying to get pregnant?
Me: Well....we're not contracepting.
Doctor: So if you are pregnant, you plan on keeping the pregnancy?
Me: Yes, I already have five children, so we would welcome another!
Doctor: What??? How old are you? You look so young!
Me: 33 and thank you.
Doctor: When did you begin your last cycle?
Me: October 8th.
Doctor: (quizzical look) So you're late.
Me: Nope, my cycles are always about 5 to 6 weeks long.
Doctor: (laughing) You are a strange one.
Me: (laughing) So I've been told.
Turns out I do have an ear infection and she prescribed me ear drops and I'd like to think I opened her mind to my pro-life, natural, organic way of living, but I think I just blew it. I really wish I had been born with the ability to speak eloquently. Sigh.