That's What He Said

Getting ready before school:

Xander: Where's my hulk sweatshirt?

Me: I don't know, just wear your jacket instead.

Xander: But the Hulk sweatshirt is the only thing that works.

Petting the cat as she walked by:

Hey Dad, Evie's really soft.  But she's not as soft as Mom.

After getting in trouble the previous day in school for repeating a bad word...

Me: Xander, did you have a good day today?

Xander: Welllll, did the teacher email you again?

Me: No.

Xander: Then I had a good day!

Overheard singing...

And if the Devil doesn't like it

He can sit on a tack!

Ouch!

Xander: Mom, Why is your belly getting sooooo big?

Me: Because the baby is getting bigger.

Xander: No, it's because you are eating sooooo much food and then the baby eats the food in his belly button and then he grows bigger and then your belly grows bigger.

Me: Xander, why did you take your shirt off?

Xander: Because I wanted to see my muscles!

Seeing Declan follow him around and imitate him:

Mom, Declan just loves me so much!  That's because we're roommates!

Upon seeing Maggie and I kiss during peace at Mass:

Ummmm, Dad?  I think Maggie and Mom just married each other.