He Said, She Said

Looking in Andrew's backpack...

Phil: Andrew, why do you have two deodorants in your backpack?

Andrew: Because the middle school teachers say we stink.

Phil: But why TWO?

Andrew: I like to put on both to make sure I smell really good!

#obviously

~

After reading Green Eggs and Ham for the hundredth time:

Xander: Oh I get it now! I know why he finally likes green eggs and ham.

Phil: Why?

Xander: Because he ate them on a boat, and the salt from the water got on them, and salt makes eggs taste good!

#whydidntithinkofthat

JP got hurt two days in a row at school, both times by basketballs being thrown at him:

Me: What's going on?  Who's throwing basketballs at you?  Who should I beat up?

JP: No, Mom, it's just the sixth grade girls trying to get my attention.

Me: Why?

JP: Because they all have crushes on me.

#duh

~

Upon seeing some freshly baked cookies:

Xander: Yes, you can have a cookie!

Me: Huh?

Xander: Yes, you can have a cookie!  Now you say that in your voice to me.

#smartcookie

~

Discussing NFP options for the future:

Me: We can try the Marquette Model again...

Phil: That's how we got Brendan.

Me: Well, we can just have a Josephite marriage until we're fifty.

Phil: Sounds fun.  

Me: Or we could just get really ugly and find each other repulsive.

Phil: (Quietly singing as he walks away) "We're not gonna make it..."

#newthemesong

Driving in the car with the three eldest boys...

JP: (seeing a dead skunk in the road) Eeeeeewwwwww, skunk.

Eamon: (thinking JP had smelled the skunk) It's probably just your pits, JP. 

#goodguess

Recalling the time at school when the water got turned off due to a leak:

Xander: And then Mrs. S came to the cafeteria and said the water was back on and the bathrooms were working again, and I said "Woohoo, let's party!" but I should have said "Woohoo, let's POTTY!"

#missedopportunity

Declan: I Superman!

#nope