In the past 2 years, upon discovering each month that I was not pregnant, I have been 100% relieved. 
We have lots of reasons to postpone the birth of our next child and are using NFP to help achieve this goal. However, being open to life, if another child were to bless our family anytime soon, we would be overjoyed - shocked - but overjoyed.
Considering 3 out of our 4 babies were surprises (not mistakes), and all very close in age, I have never had the opportunity to practice NFP for a long period of time. Usually before I even consider the thought of having another baby, I am already pregnant! And yes, I know how it happens...I just happen to like it ;)
So when I discovered this morning that I was not pregnant, I was surprised to feel only about 90% relieved and 10% saddened at the idea of not having baby #5 in 9 months.
The timing would have been horrible (the baby would be born right at the beginning of tax season), and all our reasons to wait are still valid, but I am becoming more and more ready for the next baby.
God is slowly but surely working on my heart and I am finally starting to listen :)
Thank you for sharing your honesty and disappointment. Even if it was 10% sad feelings, it is a let-down none the less. I hear you.
ReplyDeleteGod bless your openness to life and may you find yourself awaiting #5 exactly when God's timing is perfect.
Oh I completely understand. Sometimes timing is everything:) If it happens again, it will be at the right time for you and your family and because it is supossed to right! No guilt my dear!
ReplyDeleteI am here just now as well. We have been using NFP for years. In the past 6 months I say if it does it does and if not well then we will wait. But I have to say the let-down% moves up each month. Thanks for this post
ReplyDeleteThis is bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you will be able to time this one on your own terms...no surprises???
Both of mine were happy surprises also.
You are so ready.
ReplyDelete(Yes, I know your reasons for waiting and they seem perfectly reasonable to me.)
I remember, before getting pregnant with Maria, when I would start my cycle and actually be disappointed that I was not pregnant.
I truly hope that having another child is a comfortable possibility for you in the near future!
Yeah!!! I think an odd number is ideal, to break up arguments :)
ReplyDeletei think it'll happen exactly when you are TOTALLY 100% ready.. whether you realized it or not...!!!
ReplyDeleteYou really are the best!! I am on the same page as you. Although it is definitely not the right timing for #5, the discussion gets more exciting with each month. Love you.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are so cute. I love how Phil writes on your blog, it is just so sweet! :)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this! We know we want another, but the timing is not optimal-yet. On the flip side, if it happened we would be more than ok with it. Until then, we continue with NFP...sigh...
ReplyDelete"...3 out of our 4 babies were surprises (not mistakes)..."
ReplyDeleteLove the distinction! ;-)
I was worried about getting pregnant again after Owen was born and I finally knew I was close to being ready when I was dissapointed one month that I was not pregnant. It took a few more months before I felt completely ready but it was a nice feeling to be a little dissapointed instead of 100% relieved!
ReplyDeleteIt will happen when the time is right! Gods timing isways perfect!! Have looked at my blog lately?? ;-)
ReplyDeleteI so know what you mean. I wouldn't be ready for another baby yet (unless God knows something I don't) as our youngest is just 2 months, but I still dream of expecting and having our next one!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Colleen! We are in the same situation too. We are emotionally ready for another and would not be upset if we were expecting, but there are several reasons why we need to wait a bit longer. All in His time.
ReplyDeleteI pray that things work out for you so that you will be able to have #5 soon!