Last week I officially began my full-time position as an Accountant at a very prestigious boarding school. I would love to tell you all that I love my job, but unfortunately, I can't. I can handle the accounting aspects of the job, and I'm definitely picking things up quick, but this place is so overwhelming. There's 125 acres of land for me to get lost on...millions of names I have yet to memorize...new computer programs that seem archaic to me...and I'm in a position where I have nobody training me because the old person left before I started.
All of that makes the job difficult, but what is the worst is the schedule. I work from 8 to 5 with an hour lunch break. On top of that my commute is 45 minutes each way. So every morning I get up, get the kids out the door by 6:45 to drop them off by 7 at school and then drive to my job. By the time I get home again, it's 6:00 at night, which leaves me about a half hour to see the kids before bed.
And not only do I miss time with the kids, but I feel so badly that Phil has so many of the house responsibilities now - picking up the kids from school, getting homework done, getting dinner on the table, and he somehow manages to have the house clean too - all after working a full day! We knew that my acceptance of this full-time job meant Phil would have to pick up a lot of the slack, but it doesn't make the guilt any easier.
I want nothing more than to be home when my kids are home, to do all the grocery shopping and cooking, and *most* of the cleaning (I'm not a saint, ok?). I would love to be a stay at home wife and mom and take pride in all these "old-fashioned duties". Luckily, I've been able to have that role before Eamon was born...but even then I had some bookkeeping clients, tutored kids in math, and babysat to make extra money.
Phil would love nothing more than to be able to provide a salary that would allow me to stay home. He already works full-time as a
severely underpaid Catholic school teacher, does security in the morning hours before school starts as well as a couple afternoons, and is the CCD Director at our parish. Oh yeah, and he is getting his second master's to one day be able to take a job (in school administration) that he will hate but that hopefully will provide more money. (He is a saint, ok?). Especially because he doesn't think he is. He thinks if I'm helping him earn the money, than he should help me in the home. Love that guy.
For now, I'm going to struggle through this job, but changes are coming soon. I'm not sure in what direction I want to go (or what we can financially handle) but I can't do this much longer. My kids, my husband, my sanity, and our happiness are worth way more than this paycheck.