Monday, May 6, 2013

Keeping and Pondering

Growing up, my dad would always reply to a compliment with "Just borrowed".  You could tell him he cooked a great omelet (one of his few specialties) or was an amazing builder or had the biggest hands in the whole wide world (he does!) and he would say they were just borrowed gifts from God.  The talent was from God, the glory was His and my Dad was just one of His creations.

A few months ago, Phil and I were talking to an elderly Deacon and his wife that we have known a while.  They are the sweetest couple, and always encourage us and share stories from the past when they were raising their children.  The wife was saying something impressive about one of her daughters, and I said something like "Wow, you need to tell me how you raised a daughter like that!"  And she replied, "We don't take credit for their successes and we don't take offense at their failures".


Both my dad and this couple are such great witnesses to me.  There are plenty of times (just read through the blog archives) where I brag about my kids and put a little too much value on their achievements.  My daughter can read at age four, my baby can say 20 words at 12 months, my son runs faster than anyone else on his team.  Should I be happy for them?  Yes!  Should I give thanks to God for their borrowed talents? Yes!  But at times, I can let it go to my head as if I had anything to do with it. As if.

There are also many moments when I wonder exactly what I did wrong because my child can't seem to "get" math like his classmates, or listen the first time Dad calls him, or talk at a normal decibel.  If I am honestly trying the best I can to raise them with values and morals and a good education, then I shouldn't be so easily offended when they slip up.  They are still God's children, and they are imperfect just like me.  We can do everything in our power to raise them right and teach them properly, but they have free will to make their own choices.


When I consider Luke 2:19 ~ But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart, I am starting to see more and more what the role of motherhood really is.  We should rejoice with our children in their goodness but not let our pride for them become prideful for us.  We should sympathize with their difficulties but not let their crosses become our fault.  We are only vessels.  Parents have such important roles in raising children, and we need to do our best and then let go and let God.  And God willing, they will turn out all right in the end :)

20 comments:

  1. This was very powerful to me. I know you don't use, 'the facebook' so I am not sure if it would be okay to share on that outlet? Let me know!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That verse is one of my very favorites, Colleen...I think of it often! Happy Monday, friend! : )

    ReplyDelete
  3. My WORST parenting moments are when I take offense at my children's failures......when I start to get stressed that the toddler is hitting or they aren't doing a good job at schoolwork or they are lazy, or whatever....and that's when I yell, and get angry and lose my temper.

    ReplyDelete
  4. very true. I love the perspective your father has taught you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Never really thought of motherhood in this way... awesome post!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love the things you said about your dad. So sweet. My dad has what I call "farmer hands" --they are BIG! Was your dad a farmer?

    One of my daughters, (the 8 year old) cries every time she gets anything wrong in school. It crushes her. We try to explain that we learn by our mistakes. She is still sad every time. It's the same with life things. My husband always says to me, (cuz I worry about future problems) "Jamie, they are going to have problems." I know they are, but I wish they would just grow up and be perfect and have perfect lives. Love that quote about Mary too...thanks for reminding it to me today.

    **We made your mint brownies last night for DESSERT!-we had company and it was so easy and was a huge hit!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was going to write a post on this same topic!! Is it okay if I link yours in mine?
    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I was going to do a post on this too! Is it okay if I like to yours?
    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I LOVE this Colleen! I often take pride in my kids when I had absolutely nothing to do with their accomplishments (and if I'm being honest, a lot of times they had nothing to do with it either - something they were just born with!).

    And on the flip side, when my kids struggle with something or just flat out can't do something, I often beat myself up.

    I really needed to hear this today - "We don't take credit for their successes and we don't take offense at their failures".

    Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Our community just buried a beautiful, bright, happy 13yr old. She was getting a ride home with a friend after a track meet. The father lost control of the car. He and his two daughters lived. She did not. So so so..times a zillion...sad.

    Life is a precious journey every.single.day. Our children belong to God and are given to us as a gift...to love, cherish and get us parents on our knees every night..that these kids get to heaven.

    Jesus, I trust in You.

    Colleen..you have great kids.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks for this. Right now, I'm trying to remember that every time the twins fight it's not because I messed them up somehow ...I mean, I'm probably only 50% responsible, but it's still comforting.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Excellent points to ponder - I may need to revisit this on a frequent basis!

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is great, Colleen! Thank you for the insight.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Colleen, this was so beautiful! Thanks for writing and sharing it. I am really quick to give credit where credit is due (mainly above!), but I am so very hard on my children when they make errors/failures. I realized a few months back, while discussing this with Father, that I am assuming that their failures are a reflection of me...as a parent. Is this true? Of course not...is it a reflection of God???? Does he make failures??? NO!!! Instead it is a reflection of free will...of developmental differences...of arrested development...etc., etc.! What is needed is grace and thanksgiving in all circumstances!!! Blessings, friend!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love these I sights. I take waaaaaaaay too much offense when my kids misbehave. I I is my best parenting moments come when I can detach from my pride and just correct without shaming, etc, good stuff, Colleen.

    ReplyDelete
  16. As a young mom I was too wrapped up in things like this and I did equate their behavior with me directly. But I don't know when the transition happened but eventually I did come to realize that they are their own persons and I am just guiding them. It is really hard though because my kids are not necessarily "good" children. They do make their own decisions to sin.

    Actually just last week I had this thought again and pondered it in my heart too.

    Their personalities are God given. I have to work with what God gave them. Everything God gives us is good. So I have to learn to trust God and let go. Even when the things God gave us seem difficult I have to work with God gave me and trust it will all be Ok. I am just the shepherd to all these sheep.

    My boys especially choose to sin an awful lot. They do KNOW right from wrong but they still have free will. Learning detachment is very hard. But we can do something though! We can pray! Powerful daily prayer for our children will help them to chose good things and do good things, will help them to read, write, play sports better--so we can do something :) Keep praying and don't give up.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Nice Colleen. Yet, may I note that whenever I talked to/taught your children and asked "How did you get so smart?" I often heard the response from a very young age "Because God made me that way" ...hmmm... wonder where they learned that from??? ;) xo

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me...