Oh Maggie, five seems to be the age of funny quotes from you, so just refuse to turn six next month, okay?
Making S'mores with Aunt Lisa
Maggie: Ahhhh, this graham cracker is broken and I can't eat it!
Aunt Lisa: I'll find you a whole one.
Maggie: Good, because broken graham crackers taste like vinegar. And fire.
On Home Decorating
Maggie (seeing the new tablecloth): Mom! I love this new table cloth!
Maggie: Did you buy it like this or did you like, somehow stick ten of the same pillowcases together?
Worried About Her Future Time in Jail
Maggie: Dad, in "judy" (she means juvy...as in Juvenile Jail), do they give you a blanket to sleep with?
Me: No. No blankets and it's very cold.
Maggie: And what kind of food do they give you?
Me: Just mush.
Maggie: What?? Just MUSH?!?! I hope I never go to "judy" because I don't like mush.
On Being Consistent with Her Hairstyles
Maggie: Headband or Ponytail?
Me: You ask me that every morning.
Maggie: Because you have to tell me how to wear my hair!
Me: Ok, how about down?
Maggie: No thanks.
Me: How about a cute barrette?
Maggie: What's a bar...oh no thanks.
Me: What about a bun, or braids, or pigtails?
Maggie: How about a headband or ponytail?
On Being a Big Sister
Maggie: Xander, tell Mom that you danced with the kids yesterday.
Xander: I dances with da kids!
Maggie: Tell her that you danced to the song, Rock Lobster.
Xander: I did da Lobsta!
Maggie: Tell her that you danced so good, just like the kids in the video!
Xander: Like da video!
Maggie: Oh Xander, you're such a good baby brother. Except when you're naughty.
Discovering We Don't Buy the Real Thing
Maggie (while eating her generic Apple Jacks): Mom, the kids at school call this cereal "Apple Jacks" but I told them they were wrong because they are called "Apple Dapples".