Dear Mother Nature,
What were you thinking giving us an earthquake in New England yesterday? Sure it was small, but we felt it, and my kids felt it, and now all they talk about is earthquake-related. Fun for them, but a little scary for the Mama. We already have to contend with blizzards and hurricanes around here, let's not make earthquakes a "thing" too, deal?
Dear Fellow Gym Members,
The gym is meant for exercising. I understand that's shocking to those of you who get dressed up and come for social hour, but you are really really distracting to the rest of us who are actually trying to burn some calories in our appropriate workout attires. There's a reason I pick the treadmill furthest away from humanity, and I don't appreciate when you and your bff use the machines right next to me and discuss the details of last weekend. Like, oh my gosh, like, you're obvi totes cool, but like, I am sooooooo over it. For reals.
Did you see my new necklace today? It reads:
IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO COMMENT ON THE SIZE OF MY BODY, I WILL FEEL THE NEED TO COMMENT ON THE SIZE OF YOURS.
We have a good relationship, we truly do. So I was shocked when I opened the box of my last Kohls delivery and found that there was only one shelf when I ordered and paid for two shelves. I emailed you on this matter, but have yet to get a response. Don't feed me the "It's not you, it's us" line either, because this lady's been around the block before. Just fix it. Please and thank you.
Dear Everyone Who Keeps Asking Us If We've Chosen Baby Names Yet,
We are so thrilled that you are interested in this little bambino of ours, but we can't tell you the names we are thinking of because you will ruin them for us. You are completely entitled to your opinion on what we name our offspring, we just don't want to hear it. We've had enough problems coming up with monikers this time around, and I think we've finally settled on the top girl name and the top boy name, so when we announce it, please, for the love of God, just smile and coo at the baby. M'kay?
I know I've been ignoring you a little bit lately. Sometimes finding the energy just to eat 5 protein heavy meals a day is exhausting, and blogging is pretty much the last thing I want to do. I've thought about completely breaking up with you many, many times lately, but I'm gonna ride out this hormonal train and see how I feel when it arrives at the station. Maybe I can get a ghost writer.
Dear Indiana Colts,
See ya tomorrow night!
Hugs and Kisses,