If I'd only known then what I know now...
I would have rejoiced with every pregnancy test. First reaction - gratitude and love. I always wanted a big family, but somewhere along the way I got scared of my plans coming to fruition. The added worry, the added expense, the added chaos of having a new baby were amongst the first thoughts floating in my mind when the test read positive. I cried because I wasn't ready to go through it all again. It being a pregnancy and delivery. It being a natural, healthy occurrence for my fertile, healthy body. It being the product of the love shared between my husband and I. We said it with words, we said it with actions, and we were blessed with a baby from above. I would have seen the blessing sooner, trusted more, worried less. I was living the dream, why couldn't I see the bigger picture instead of white-knuckling through each addition?
If I'd only known then what I know now...
I wouldn't listen to all the baby advice. I would have trusted my gut more. I would have seen the amazing connection a baby has with their mama and just lived in the moment more. I would have breastfed on demand and not by the clock. I would have nursed in bed more often. I would have sat on the floor and let the little ones climb all over me. I still would have kept up the housework though. Babies may not keep, but dirty dishes stay in the sink until someone cleans them. I would have said yes more and no less. I would have kept their sleep schedules sacred for as long as possible, because bigger kids mean less scheduled little kids.