Modern NFP (and lots of links)

Phil and I knew that we would use Natural Family Planning (NFP) since before we were even engaged.  We talked about having loads of children (I wanted twelve, and he was happy with a huge family) and knew that if we ever had serious reasons to space out those future children, we would turn to NFP to do so. 

Once we were engaged, we began taking classes to learn how NFP works in all it's gritty detail (I still can't say the "m" word without throwing up a little) and I started charting my temperature about six months before we were married to get a good idea of my body's cycles.  We learned the Sympto-Thermal Method, which includes charting your basal temperature each morning and also your body's natural signs of fertility.  However, I mostly relied on the temperature readings to indicate what was going on, as I was not fully comfortable with taking and interpreting the other signs.  Well, we used that method for one whole month of marriage before getting pregnant unexpectedly (but happily!) with John-Paul.  Looking back, I can see that we were not reading the charts very well, but I can also thank God for that since it made us parents!

 After his arrival, for some reason we went back to the dark ages and basically used the rhythm method where you don't chart but instead use the calendar to determine when you're fertile.  This is not scientific at all, and doesn't normally work as women's cycles can vary from month to month.  However we managed for a while only because we were ultra conservative and took no chances (or so we thought).  Babies number 2 and 3 and 4 were conceived during this time.  The second and third were "planned" (aren't they all planned by God?) and the fourth baby was another surprise.

After Maggie, we found out about the Creighton Model, which basically uses a woman's biomarkers (or bodily signs) to determine her cycles.  By this point I was a lot more familiar with my signs and did not want to go back to temperature taking and we successfully used this method for almost four years until we tried for and got pregnant with the fifth baby.  It was during this fifth pregnancy that I learned about the Marquette Model of NFP and we decided this "new" method was going to be our choice for after Alexander's birth.

So here we are, ten years of marriage, five children, and four methods of NFP later and we are very happy with the Marquette Method.  What is this method of NFP you ask?  Well, you purchase a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor and test strips (these are the cheapest I can find) and follow these directions if you are looking to postpone pregnancy.  Although it is a more costly alternative (about $10 per month after the monitor is purchased) , it is a simple and easy no-nonsense approach to NFP.  There are no signs to monitor, no temperatures to take and no charts to interpret (I do chart for historical purposes here).  The monitor gives you a reading of Low, High or Peak so that you know exactly when you should abstain or try to conceive. 

The only downside is that it's so precise that one could grow accustomed to using it without ever questioning one's motives for using NFP at all.  I think through the early years of our marriage, using the other methods of NFP really required faith because we weren't ever 100% sure of what we were doing, and this allowed for more openness to unplanned babies.  Now I feel that we are more certain of what's going on and have to work harder to make sure we don't have a contraceptive mentality while using NFP.  Maybe I'm being scrupulous about it, but not following God's will for my family is the biggest fear I have.  Anyways, I do know that feeling confident in whatever method of NFP you choose is a good thing, and I'm glad we have finally found it!

Our Journey with NFP

I should be posting a Hi Lo today, but this week is NFP Awareness Week, which is an entire week devoted to bringing attention to Natural Family Planning. This year, the theme for the week is Trust: God has a Plan for your marriage. I encourage all of you to open your minds to studying and using Natural Family Planning. It's good for your body and soul!

**This post is honest and detailed, so please be gentle**

Phil and I were so lucky to be raised in big Catholic families that used Natural Family Planning, attend Franciscan University of Steubenville were it was "drilled" into us even more, and then start our marriage off on the right foot. We took a class in the sympto-thermal method of NFP, which was taught by a Deacon and his wife who had 8 children of their own. We took this class about 6 months before we were married, and honestly, Phil seemed to be better at figuring everything out than I was. I have very long and irregular cycles, and I usually end up getting frustrated by the whole process (did I ever tell you that patience is not a virtue I have yet to acquire?)

As the wedding drew closer, we realized that we would have to abstain for the latter part of our honeymoon, which was super hard, but we got through it. We returned home from the Caribbean, made it through another cycle, and then whoops! got pregnant with John-Paul. I have to admit it, I was extremely upset that we had "failed" in NFP by getting pregnant while trying not to. Before anybody judges us, please realize that at the time, I was the only one working and providing benefits because Phil was in grad school. We were living in my parent's house because we were managing the ice cream store on the Cape for the summer, and didn't want to get an apartment for only 3 months. We literally had no idea what would happen in our future, but being pro-life and faithful to God's Will, we started getting really excited for the baby growing inside of me.

Once John-Paul was born in February 2003, I hoped we could obtain the infertility that is supposed to happen while breastfeeding. No such luck for me (or my mother or sisters, it must be genetic), and my cycle returned when John-Paul was 4 months old. Luckily, Phil got a job teaching in September 2003, and I stayed at home with J-P. We struggled financially, and my little sister was getting married in September 2004, and since I was to be the matron-of-honor, we decided to use NFP to postpone the birth of the next baby until after the wedding. There was one specific month I remember saying to Phil that we could not conceive a baby because I would be giving birth at the wedding. Well, guess what month we conceived? Luckily I didn't give birth until 9 days after her wedding, to Andrew in October 2004.

After Andrew was born, money was even tighter because our housing situation changed yet again, and now our rent was $1000/month, our portion of the health insurance was $500/month, and our student loans were $600/month. We had two car payments and two little ones in diapers, and Phil was making $32,000 a year, before taxes and insurance coming out. We couldn't make ends meet anymore, and started doing all sorts of side jobs to pay the bills. Phil worked summers, became the CCD Coordinator of our Parish, and took on a parking lot duty job at school. I babysat, tutored students in math, and had a couple of small bookkeeping clients. I even worked nights at H&R Block during tax season so Phil was at home with the kids. Needless to say, we were doing our best to provide for the children we already had, and were using NFP to space out the next child.

Once Andrew was 15 months old, I was getting baby fever and mentioned to Phil that if we tried to get pregnant right now, Andrew and the next baby would be 2 whole years apart (after having the first ones 19 months apart, 2 years seemed like a BIG deal!). Well, Phil didn't need much prodding, and Eamon was born in September 2006! I must point out that this is one of the huge benefits of using NFP, it's not just to postpone pregnancy, but to achieve it as well. And you don't have to worry about getting off the pill for a while before trying to conceive, you just do it :)

Eamon really threw our world for a loop! He had colic and was allergic to dairy and soy, and was a very hard baby. I fell into post-partum depression, though at the time I convinced myself it wasn't. Because my diet was so limited while trying to breastfeed him, and because I had just started working part-time, I gave up and put him on hypo-allergenic formula. My cycle returned when he was 4 months old, and Phil and I were planning to use NFP to postpone the next baby for a long time, because we seemed to have every grave reason in the book to do so! But, by complete surprise (NFP does require being open to life at all times!) we conceived Maggie when Eamon was only 5 months old.

I was beyond shocked, I was devastated. I was depressed, and overwhelmed and really questioning this whole NFP thing. I never wanted to use artificial contraception, but figured the only way to ensure postponing another baby was complete abstinence. Poor Phil! I was feeling very sorry for myself, and then feeling guilty about those feelings. I was a Catholic mom after all, I wanted a big family, I was a strong advocate for NFP, but I was also fed up. I started seeking out more mature Catholic moms to get advice from. Phil bought me some books from Danielle Bean, then I discovered her blog, and the world of blogs soon followed. I was so happy to meet other moms who had lots of little kids (some on purpose, others not so much) and who could relate to our situation.

I started to feel supported by these women who had already walked in my shoes, and when we found out Maggie was a girl at the 20 week ultrasound, my depression was instantly lifted! I loved my boys so much, but wanted a little girl too, and here she was. I finally could see God's plan all along...she had to be conceived at the exact moment she was for her to be her. If we had not been open to life by using NFP, Maggie wouldn't be here at all. In fact, none of my children would be here, and that is just too awful a thought to handle. We currently use NFP to postpone Baby #5 because we still struggle financially, but as my mom says, "Your rewards will come in the next life"!! We may not be "rich" monetarily, but we are rich in love and family. And the longer we wait, the more "ready" we are to expand our family.

Using NFP means giving of our whole selves...to God, to each other, and to our children. Yes, sometimes it's hard to abstain when your husband is a hottie (are you blushing, honey?) , and yes, an unexpected pregnancy can be scary, but following God's Will is the only way to ultimate happiness, and I'm so glad NFP is part of His plan.

Why I Could Never Get an Answer

So y'all know that we love and have always used Natural Family Planning in our marriage.  Well sometimes I hate it, but mostly I love it.  

I love that it's completely natural for my body, it is green for the environment, it is in agreement with the teachings of the Catholic church, and it's leaves the possibility of new babies open for discussion since nothing permanent is ever "fixed".  

(Side note: How can you "fix" something that isn't broken?  Like a man or woman's healthy reproductive system? How can you "take care of" a problem that isn't there? Like a body's natural fertility?)

But back to the point at hand.

One of the biggest spiritual struggles I have in my role as a wife and mother is knowing when we have grave reason to use NFP, or when we don’t.  I have asked many, many people this question, and never seem to get a direct answer. 

When Phil and I made our marriage vows, we promised to accept children lovingly from God.  That means that we don’t do anything to artificially get in the way of God creating life.  We also don’t play God and try to create life outside of His design.  Therefore we do not contracept and we do not use In Vitro Fertilization or a surrogate in order to have a baby.  We truly believe that babies are blessings and gifts, and not deserved. 

We have been fortunate to have conceived so easily in the past, and I am well aware of the pain caused by infertility.  I do not know why God has chosen to spare us with that cross, but do know that we all have our own cross to carry. 

Since we have been super fertile and have used NFP to space all of our children (some more successfully than others!), I find myself in a constant state of worry that we are trying to space those children for a good reason, and not for selfish motives.  Luckily my wise and much less emotionally charged husband often can list off the reasons why we are justified in using NFP at the moment.

 I just think it would be so much easier if God would just let me know the answer.  If only He could say “My dear Colleen, for the next year, you would be wise to save a little money and rest your body before a sixth pregnancy.  But then in March 2013, you should begin trying.  That baby will be a boy, and when you try again in 2015, you will have a little girl, who will complete your family.”  Great!  No problem!  Then I would have a game plan from the Master Planner, and stop worrying about making my own.  

(I do understand that this is the point of faith ~ to trust that God is in charge even when we feel like we haven't been included in the memo.  I'm just a slow learner!)

So whenever I come across a priest I respect, I often ask him to tell me if I should have another child.  “Just tell me what I should do, and I’ll do it”, I say, or “How am I ever going to know when we are done growing our family?”  Inevitably, Father will say that he can not make that decision for me.  That it is a decision to be made prayerfully between a husband, a wife, and God alone.  I would always end up frustrated that nobody was giving me an answer.

Just recently I realized the reason why I couldn’t get an answer for exactly what to do and when.   It's because the reasons (our reasons) for using NFP to postpone pregnancies are constantly changing. 

At the beginning of our marriage, we used NFP to postpone having a baby until Phil was finished with graduate school (John-Paul wasn’t aware of that plan, and came 9 months later!).  Then we decided to use NFP to space out babies two and three because of financial reasons (some came a little closer than we had expected).  After having three babies in four years, our reason for waiting for baby number four was that I was so tired and overwhelmed (and we were still financially barely paying our bills).   

Well, that fourth baby came waaaaaay sooner than we had planned, but was more than we could have ever hoped for.  After Maggie’s arrival, I definitely told Phil that I was “done”.  Done having kids, done being worried about money, done being exhausted all the time raising a 4 year old, a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and a newborn, and done relying on our failed attempts at NFP. 

Not wanting to resort to using contraception, we just abstained.  For a long time...poor Phil could probably tell you exactly how many months, weeks, days, hours and minutes!   After a while, we very cautiously started using NFP again.  And this time we sorta kinda had it finally figured out.  

And then you’ll never guess what happened?  God changed my heart little by little, the kids got older,  and I started to get baby crazy.  Alexander was an answered prayer.  And having such an easy baby after a long space of 3.5 years has made me realize that I don't need to postpone having another baby for the reasons of physical or mental exhaustion right now.  Something I never thought I would say when I was back in the trenches raising two toddlers and two babies.

Now, if Phil had gotten snipped or if I had gotten my tubes tied right after Maggie was born, when I was sure that I was done, we would never have even had the discussion of having a fifth baby.  And that is the beauty of NFP…there’s always a discussion going.  One between you and your spouse about when date nights are (or aren't) going to be, and one between God and us about why we are using NFP at the moment.  

And we need these frequent conversations because the reasons are always changing and evolving.  

Just like us.

Organic NFP

Remember that post I wrote a while back about using NFP to be truly organic?

Well, the talented Katie at Kitchen Stewardship has taken my little idea and written a wonderful article over at Simple Organic which I will post below:

NFP: Natural Parenting Can Start Before Conception
by Katie Kimball on April 7, 2010
in health & nutrition

Some might label my parenting style as “green” or “crunchy,” but all labels aside, I simply seek to be a good steward of the earth’s resources and keep my kids safe from toxins and as healthy as possible.

What I do, I want to do naturally.

For those who are proponents of unmedicated childbirth, breastfeeding, babywearing, and wooden toys, it only makes sense that natural parenting would begin before conception.

There are plenty of opportunities for considering parenting before the first pink plus sign.

• Many women choose pre-conception diets to detoxify and prepare the body for a healthy pregnancy.

• Engaged couples are often encouraged to discuss what they think their parenting will look like when the time comes.

Wouldn’t you want your reproductive system to receive the same natural care you give your nutrition and your children’s health?

Oral contraception is the only drug approved to treat a healthy condition as a disease and rewire a normally working system so that it malfunctions. The Pill’s effectiveness lies in ultimately stopping your reproductive system from performing properly, thus preventing pregnancy.

For those who want to be natural parents, who don’t give their children over-the-counter medications or antibiotics when we can avoid them, it is a natural extension of our parenting philosophy to keep our children’s first home – the womb – chemical free.

It’s organic parenting at its finest.

To Conceive or Not to Conceive, Naturally
Everyone knows that sex can result in pregnancy, and each couple must make their own decision about whether they want to achieve or avoid pregnancy at a given time. If children just aren’t in your short-term plan, you have some options to prevent or avoid pregnancy, and each impacts the earth and your health in various ways.

(The following is in chart form over at the original article)
Impact on Earth
Impact on Body

Oral Contraceptives
Increased estrogen in water supply (that cannot be filtered out), plastic waste from packaging, “feminized” and sterile fish – possible serious animal kingdom impact
Irritability, decreased sex drive, increased risk of many diseases, especially breast cancer, infertility/trouble getting pregnant later, losing already fertilized eggs

Condoms, other barrier methods
Plastic waste never breaks down, spermicidal pollution
Invasive chemicals and materials – what might be leaching from these items?

Injected Hormonal Contraceptive
Increased hormones in water supply, hazardous medical waste
Similar to oral

Natural Family Planning/Fertility Awareness
Zero
Zero negative impact; see positives below

When my husband and I got married, there was never any question about our choice of birth control. I was “green” enough to know that I never wanted to put drugs in my body when I didn’t need them, and my husband didn’t want to ask me to deal with all the possible side effects of oral contraception.

Our parenting began when we used to pray for our possible future children as we took evening walks as freshmen in college. Long before we even thought about registering for a baby sling, our parenting was “natural” as we made the choice each month whether to seek or avoid a pregnancy and act accordingly, without the help of drugs or products. I had never purchased organic spinach, but I was keeping my uninhabited womb as organic as possible with natural family planning.

What is Natural Family Planning?
Natural Family Planning, or Fertility Awareness, is the process of observing a woman’s naturally occurring physical cues to fertility, including basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and other symptoms. Fertilization can only occur during a 24-hour stage each cycle, and fertility is easy to determine for a few days on either side of that window.
Charts help a couple keep track of the woman’s fertile and infertile stages, and they can decide whether or not to be intimate based on their desire for a child (or not) at the time. Natural Family Planning is not the rhythm or calendar method.

Benefits of Natural Family Planning
Beyond simply avoiding the harmful physical side effects of artificial contraception, the advantages of Natural Family Planning are many:

For the Woman:
Her body is respected and preserved from chemicals, and she can become aware of health issues related to her fertility, including stress-induced illnesses and more. The decision to avoid pregnancy is completely and immediately reversible. Financial cost = $0.

For the Environment:
There are no chemicals, no packaging waste, and no trips to the doctor for injections or prescriptions. Breastfeeding infertility, often encouraged in natural family planning, even results in fewer feminine products entering the landfills and sewage systems. Contrast this with oral contraceptives, which have caused an increase in estrogen in our water supply that is very troubling. Estrogen (and other synthetic hormones) cannot be filtered out of drinking water, so children and adults alike who drink city water are getting greater exposure to these female hormones.
With 100 million women worldwide using oral contraceptives, this risk is no small potatoes.

For the Marriage:
Longevity is the major benefit: less than 5% of NFP users divorce, compared to 50% in the rest of the (American) population. This is likely a result of NFP’s other marital benefits:
increased communication (discussing “child or no child” every month)
deep respect for one another and each one’s life-giving abilities
cycles of “courtship” and “honeymoon” keep the intimacy fresh, as couples abstain during the fertile period (Yes, when choosing to avoid, it’s like a honeymoon when the fertile phase is over!)
the self-discipline practiced through intermittent abstinence increases both spouses’ self-control in other aspects of life
decreased fear of unwanted pregnancy – you know immediately if you are taking a “risk” or not, unlike the failure rate of oral contraceptives

Information on Natural Family Planning
I cannot say enough good things about NFP. If you truly want an organic, natural home, consider learning about how your body can tell you when you are fertile and when you are not. There are a few different methods, all 99% or more effective at achieving the desired result:
Sympto-Thermal Method (see the Couple to Couple League for classes in your area)
NaPro Technology/Billings Ovulation Method (see the Creighton Model FertilityCare System for more information)
Ovulation Method (see a 27-minute video here to get a grip on the basics)

How is NFP different than contraception?
Find a doctor who will be able to work with you as you strive to have organic fertility.
This may be a touchy subject for comments. I do encourage discussion and assume everyone will be respectful with their opinions. I welcome any questions for me as an NFP user.

I am indebted to Colleen Martin of Martin Family Moments for her connection between NFP and “going organic”.

Thanks Katie!! I hope our articles can help to spread the awareness of the many benefits of using NFP for our bodies and souls!!

NFP: It's a Love/Hate Relationship

If you're unsure about what NFP is, click on the title link above. If you know what it is, read on.



5 Reasons Why I Hate NFP:



1) It's a bit complicated. There are so many rules to follow, temperatures to take, observations to make and charts to be completed, you'd think mastering the art of NFP should be worth some college credits.



2) It's tough to live out. God made us to procreate after all, and when you have waited until marriage to "perform the conjugal act" with your spouse, you would think it would be a free-for-all. Think again.



3) It feels as though it's the woman's "chore". Sure, they taught us in class that the husband should take his wife's temp in the morning and it should be an open discussion between spouses. But when you boil it down, it's really up to the woman to note all the changes in her body, piece them all together and then let her husband know if it's a fertile time or not.



4) Men are amorous. This is something my mom told me before I got married, and boy was she right! So when trying to postpone the birth of another child, it feels like the woman is being a mean wife and not fulfilling her marital debt. (Note, Phil has never made me feel that way, it's just how I see it) I, personally, like to put the blame on the male species because at least we as women were created with a cycle. This means that we are infertile as well as fertile during different times in the month. A man however is always just fertile. So there!



4) The whole grave reason clause. If a Catholic couple is using NFP to postpone another child, the couple must have grave reasons to do so. But just what does that mean? The Church teaches that you are supposed to look in the areas of emotional, physical and mental health of the mother, the financial state of the household, as well as think about the well-being of the children you already have. So if I'm just tired from 5 years of nights without uninterrupted sleep, does that count? How about the fact that my husband is a Catholic High School teacher, and I need to at some point work full-time or close to it just to make ends meet? But where does trust come into that equation? Shouldn't I trust that God will make it work out for us in the future as He has so generously in the past? I wish He would just give me a definitive number of children to have. I am much better at following rules than interpreting guidelines.



5) My husband is a hottie. Enough said!



Now, 5 Reasons Why I Love NFP:



1) I am able to live in accordance with the teachings of the Catholic Church without any feelings of guilt.



2) I am working with the natural rythyms of my cycle without having to put any chemicals into my body.



3) There are no barriers between my huband and I. We are giving of ourselves totally, including our fertility.



4) We are being open to life and pro-life.



5) Here's the best reason why I love NFP; it was through being open to life that we conceived our four beautiful children:

Thoughts on NFP: Fifteen Years and Seven Kids Later

 Oh Natural Family Planning... I have such a love/hate relationship with you.  Mostly hate if I'm being honest, and I especially struggled with it during the early years of our marriage.

You see, to me (and Phil) using NFP basically means abstaining for long periods of time, being vigilant in checking signs, testing hormonal levels, charting temps, and then still somehow getting pregnant while we were trying to postpone another baby's arrival.  Blame long, irregular cycles, blame faulty body signals, blame this gift of super fertility, whatever you want, just don't blame us!  We are really actually trying here!

So when those babies come so unexpectedly, they come with a huge dose of fear, shame, and uncertainty.  I wish I could take a pregnancy test and exclaim joyfully that we got the answer we were praying for, but I'm usually being comforted by Phil instead.  I hate that.  I hate that to the outside world, we are living totally open to life, but then when pregnancy happens against our will, we aren't exactly on board with this openness.  I hate that even though we got married wanting a huge family...I feel like we've white-knuckled our way through each announcement.  Why couldn't I have just rejoiced in the Lord's plan and timing.  We wanted lots of babies!  He gave us lots of babies!  Why couldn't I live more relaxed about it all?

I felt like I needed, no deserved, a better way.  I wanted the church to figure out a method that was fool-proof.  I wanted to feel supported, both physically and financially, from the church who proclaimed that being open to life was the only way to live a Catholic marriage.  I wanted like-minded moms to talk with openly about the struggles of raising a huge family.  I wanted to live in a way that encouraged younger couples to use NFP without scaring them away with all our unplanned blessings.  I wanted to stop being jealous of couples who made NFP look easy.  I wanted to stop viewing children as a failed result of NFP and see the blessings which they truly are.

Time has a funny way of settling down Type A folks like myself.  Years and maturity and grace have helped me realize some major lessons when it comes to NFP.  So I thought I'd share :)

1) 

God is in charge.

We may want to be able to control everything in our lives, but we can't.  And if we really think about it, who would want the responsibility that would come with that control?  Not I!  God already knows the bigger picture and knows what chances and circumstances we need to gain eternal life with Him.  That's all that matters.  I don't need to worry about another couple's family size or the perfect timing of my own.  It's freeing to finally feel this way.  Also...

7 (Longer Than Usual) Quick Takes Friday

1) I am trying to change my makeup routine and decided to browse around Sephora in JC Penney last weekend, and oh my goodness it was overwhelming!  A male worker, feeling pity for me who knows waaaaaaayyyy less about fashion and beauty than he did (embarrassing),  came over to help me as I tried to explain that I was looking for a mascara.  

He asked what exactly I was looking for and I said that I wanted a mascara that would make my eyelashes look less "spidery": 

not my eye

and more "feathery":

also not my eye

and he totally got what I was saying!  He said, "So you want them to look less gathered?" And I said "Yes, less gathered, that's the word I was looking for".  He suggested a mascara that has a more of a comb wand but when I saw it was $22 I left.  I guess I'm actually not that committed to changing my routine yet.

2) Maggie was looking and looking at my feet in nude pantyhose (a rarity) and said "Mom, I can tell you're wearing socks because your feet are all sparkly".

3) Our local Chinese restaurant must have gotten a new fortune cookie company, because instead of the lame-o fortunes we usually get, we got these: 

4) Soccer season is over!  And all the angels sang a Heavenly Alleluila for this tired momma of four soccer players.  Up next is basketball (times three boys).

5)  Back in July, a sweet reader named Shelley emailed me asking about NFP because she wanted to try it.  She wrote:

Hi Colleen, 

I love your blog! I found it while looking for information on NFP and I have found it very inspiring. I feel like I am the only person that finds this hard and I struggle with what is a GRAVE reason to avoid pregnancy. I was wondering if you had any information on resources that helped someone learn and practice NFP at home. I live in a very rural area (Canada) and every method seems to require teacher couple training which is not going to work with several small children to transport. Do you have any suggestions for learning at home? 

I wrote back:

Hi Shelley,

   Nice to "meet" you!  I did learn NFP from a class, but my 3 sisters learned by teaching themselves the sympto-thermal method from this book. You would also need a basal thermometer.  I'm not sure what you've been using (if anything) in the past and how much you know/don't know about NFP in general, but I think learning this method first is best because it gives the whole picture of temperature plus physical signs that can help you double check everything.  Good luck!!!!

We had a couple more exchanges, and then this week, Shelley wrote back:

I just wanted to send you an update and let you know how things went. I took your advice and we have been using NFP for 4 months and have been very happy with it! I also follow your blog...your family is beautiful! Thank you for all your help and your inspiring posts!!! 

Isn't she the sweetest?  I seriously feel that all the time and energy spent typing out way too many details of my life is now justified :)

6) I'm thinking about Christmas this year - and I'm really leaning towards ONE nice gift per child and the a stocking full of inexpensive toys/candy.  That would alleviate a lot of stress and shopping.  But the gift giver in me is afraid that the kids will be disappointed to only have one gift to open, even if it is the item they've been talking about all year.  

How do you moms handle this?

7) I can't handle the time change crazies anymore.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  You turn the clocks back or forward one hour and your kids just can't.seem.to.get.with.the.program!!  On Monday, Maggie woke up at 4:45 am, turned on the light and started playing with her baby brother.  Every morning since then, the kids have woken up at 5:15 and are down in the kitchen looking for breakfast!  I'm not asking for much, just a 6:00 am wakeup time like we used to have would be lovely. 

The upside to the whole early morning wakeups is that they are going to bed at 7 pm (as usual) and not even wanting the light on to read for a while.  They just ask to go straight to sleep!

Have a fun weekend everybody!

Me, NFP and Technology

I've written about our journey with NFP (Natural Family Planning) before, so please don't hate me for bringing it up again, but much like a woman's cycle, the topic comes up monthly in our house and there are always new things we are learning. 

It seems to me that the first year after a baby has been rough in terms of knowing thyself for NFP.  Recovering, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and weight loss/gain, they all wreak havoc on a woman's hormones and make a cycle unpredictable at best.  Even though I give up on breastfeeding around 5 months (or should I say, breastfeeding gives up on me) things still don't get back to normal until my baby is around 13-14 months old.  These months in the first year of a baby's life can be scary if you're trying to avoid pregnancy in the short-term, and I am always interested in any new fertility advances made since my last go-round at using NFP to avoid pregnancy.

We currently use the Marquette Method, which seems to be the best for us after having tried them all.  It's a simple method that uses an ovulation monitor to detect the LH surge that happens when a woman ovulates.  The monitor gives you a reading each day (after using a test stick) that lets you know if you are experiencing Low Fertility, High Fertility, or Peak Fertility:

I've been using the same monitor since 2011, and it's been pretty straight forward for us.  There is a more updated monitor here.  The test sticks can add up, but we feel the cost of them is cheaper than having to buy baby diapers, so...yeah!  

Disclaimer: We have conceived two babies while using the Marquette Method, so I won't say it's fool proof, but those babies were conceived when the monitor read Low Fertility later into the cycle (like Day 12) when I should have been abstaining anyway, but decided to chance it because the monitor hadn't read High yet.  

Soooooo now we start abstaining at Day 6 and wait it out until all signs point to go (and then usually wait some more!)  "All signs" meaning the monitor reads Peak, then wait 3 more days until the monitor reads Low and all other fertility signs are gone.  I know, TMI, but I need people to share like this with me, and we're all adults here, right?  

{Kids - get off the mom blogs!}

In addition to the Marquette Method, we also have two new tech savvy tricks up our NFP sleeves.  They are:

NFP - New Technology I Want to Try

Hey - If you don't want to talk shop about Natural Family Planning, body temps and cycles, then click away right...now.

I warned you, here we go.

I was using my ovulation monitor this morning, as part of the Marquette Model of NFP, and I realized I had only three test sticks left.  I logged onto amazon.com where I had been ordering them as a subscriber for years, and therefore not truly paying attention to the cost, and was shocked to see how much these test sticks now cost!  A box of 30 tests (which is 1.5 cycles' worth for me) is $45.00!!!  That means each year, I spend $360.00 on test sticks, or about $1 a day.  Now I know that might not seem like a lot of money to some people, but when you realize that most types of NFP are basically free after the initial purchase of a basal thermometer, or the cost of a class or book that explains the techniques, the Marquette Method is quite expensive.  Not to mention that the monitor itself costs a lot, which I was able to get for free as I was part of the initial study of women using this method.

I will say that the Marquette Method truly helped me finally figure out my long, irregular cycles, and has helped us tremendously with being able to space out our children a bit.  We have been using this method since Alexander was born four years ago, and while I love what I've learned I'm pretty confident in my ability to stop using it and going back to either the Sympto-Thermal Method or Creighton.  But honestly, it's a little scary!  The monitor helped give me that pat on the back that I was reading my signs correctly, and when it's left for just me, myself, and I to interpret the signs, we can get a little overwhelmed and filled with self-doubt.  

So what's a budget-conscious baby-spacing girl to do?

I think this next piece of technology might be the answer.  Let me be clear, I am in no way affiliated with this but I do like to shop around and when my friend told me about the YONO Fertility Friend, I was very intrigued.  

The YONO is a wearable ear bud that measures your basal body temperature while you sleep, then once placed in the monitor, transmits the data to your smartphone!  It is made (as are ovulation monitors) to try and help women achieve pregnancy.  But the flip side of the coin is that in identifying your best dates to conceive, you are also identifying your best dates to abstain if you are trying to avoid a pregnancy.  

With the YONO, you are able to get an accurate basal body temp without having to wake up at the same time each day and take your temp!  We all know how hard that can be as moms who need to wake up at various times during the night or morning to tend to kids, and the YONO does it for you while you sleep!  Then based on the data collected after a while, the YONO can even start predicting your future cycles.  How cool is that?  NFP without taking a temperature, without charting, all while using science as that pat on the back to confirm everything you're tracking.  

I think I'm sold!  Right now, YONO is raising money to finish product development and you can pledge $119 to get one earbud and one monitor.  Or you can pledge $169 to get two earbuds and two monitors.  These are supposed to be delivered in December and I just want to help spread the news about this device, and then leave it up to you, your spouse, and God to determine if it's right for your family :)

Thoughtful Thursday

Today I am thinking about babies. I don't know if it's the oncoming of Spring or the fact that Maggie is almost 16 months old which makes this the LONGEST I have ever been not pregnant since I got married.

Although Phil and I have many reasons that we probably shouldn't have another baby right now, lately I keep thinking of baby names (Lucy and Brendan are tops) and imagining what our 5th baby could look like.

As for the reasons why we should continue to use NFP as a means to space the next pregnancy:

1) We had four children in five years. I need a break, both physically and emotionally.

2) Phil is a Catholic school teacher, and therefore we are always struggling financially.

3) Because of our financial situation, it is necessary that I work part-time, and I don't really want to have a baby, and then have someone else raise it part-time.

4) I get really sick for the first 3 to 4 months, and it is so hard (as you mothers know) to work and be a good Mom while your head is in the toilet all day.

5) This one is shallow, but if we have another baby, we would need to buy a bigger van and possibly move to a bigger house to have another bedroom.

As for the reasons why I want a baby:

1) I REALLY want Maggie to have a sister. My sisters have been my best friends, and I would love for Maggie to have that bond.

2) I do not want to be selfish/stingy with our fertility. Babies are gifts from Heaven, and there are so many couples that struggle with infertility while we have been blessed with many children.

3) I know that God will provide...He always does. If I were to become pregnant (planned or not), I know that everything I worry about, and all the reasons I have listed above, would easily be taken care of.

Okay, so that's where I'm at. Phil and I discuss having a baby every month (ahhhhh the beauty of NFP!) and for now, we are going to continue to wait until there seems to be no serious reasons to wait anymore. Or until God surprises us with a little one. Whichever comes first :)

Conception Confessions

Our Diocese cancelled all trips to go to the March for Life due to the winter storm DC was getting.  Smart move, but sad for all the students here who wanted to go and march.  Sarah sent me this video on the day of the March, and I was a snotty mess after watching it.

I looked down at my (already!) growing belly and thought about how grateful I was to be on my personal march for life for 9 months.  Sad to report, I think it was the first time I was thankful for this pregnancy.  This one was our biggest surprise yet (not a mistake, but definitely a surprise).  We are truly stumped as to how it happened, as we use the Marquette Model of NFP and didn't take any chances at all during the month this bambino was conceived.  Phil jokes that he's not sure who the father is, because we seriously can't pinpoint how this pregnancy occurred.  (Maggie's pregnancy happened in a similar fashion, so maybe it's a girl thing?)

As Christmas was drawing near, and I started to wonder if I could possibly be pregnant, I would remind myself that there was no chance in hades.  But the days went on, and I kept thinking maybe I should take a test, but then I wouldn't want to "waste one" on what would obviously come up negative.  I finally told myself I would take a test on Christmas Eve, which was in a few days.  Then the next morning, while driving the kids to school, I saw the sign in front of our church which read:

 "Blessed is the fruit of your womb"

 I knew I was pregnant.  It was a sign, a literal sign!  The next morning, after tossing and turning all night, I took a test at 5 am and it was positive.  Still thinking there was no way that could be right, I took another test, and again, positive.  I blinked back tears and tried to think of how to tell Phil (he always gets super excited about the news, and I wanted to surprise him) as he walked into the bathroom, saw me shrug with teary eyes, and gave me the biggest hug and congratulations.  He's pretty fantastic like that.

I just couldn't wrap my head around this baby.  SEVEN kids, that's like practically unheard of around me (right, Michelle?).  My mind started running logistics.  Where would the baby sleep?  How would they all fit in my car?  How could we afford another three more years of daycare?  How would I physically handle this pregnancy at my "advanced maternal age" (36 going on 37)?  I cried a lot because I was scared and had stupidly settled on the thought that 6 kids was our family size.  I thought we were "done", even though I hate when people use that term.  I was open to life in theory, but using NFP to make sure I wouldn't ever have to carry a new life within me.  I was tired, I was selfish, I was scared.  Still am, actually.

Yet somehow, with time and prayer. we adjust and grow and the grace is there to get us through.  After praying for the people who marched for life, and unborn babies, and scared mothers and fathers, I realized how lucky I am.  My husband is a rock, my kids are all thrilled to be having another baby in the house, we have a house and jobs, this baby will share a room with Maggie and we just upgraded to a minivan that will seat me + 7 kids.  God has trusted me enough to allow me to mother another baby with a soul for all eternity.  It's pretty wild that I was chosen to do this, God certainly qualifies the called.  I am getting excited to meet this little babe, and am offering up my morning sickness and physical pains for the aching of so many hearts who would do anything to have a baby of their own.  Blessed is the fruit of my womb, indeed.