Thursday, December 2, 2010

On Working Full Time

Last week I officially began my full-time position as an Accountant at a very prestigious boarding school.  I would love to tell you all that I love my job, but unfortunately, I can't.  I can handle the accounting aspects of the job, and I'm definitely picking things up quick, but this place is so overwhelming.  There's 125 acres of land for me to get lost on...millions of names I have yet to computer programs that seem archaic to me...and I'm in a position where I have nobody training me because the old person left before I started.

All of that makes the job difficult, but what is the worst is the schedule.  I work from 8 to 5 with an hour lunch break.  On top of that my commute is 45 minutes each way.  So every morning I get up, get the kids out the door by 6:45 to drop them off by 7 at school and then drive to my job.  By the time I get home again, it's 6:00 at night, which leaves me about a half hour to see the kids before bed. 

And not only do I miss time with the kids, but I feel so badly that Phil has so many of the house responsibilities now - picking up the kids from school, getting homework done, getting dinner on the table, and he somehow manages to have the house clean too - all after working a full day!  We knew that my acceptance of this full-time job meant Phil would have to pick up a lot of the slack, but it doesn't make the guilt any easier. 

I want nothing more than to be home when my kids are home, to do all the grocery shopping and cooking, and *most* of the cleaning (I'm not a saint, ok?).  I would love to be a stay at home wife and mom and take pride in all these "old-fashioned duties".  Luckily, I've been able to have that role before Eamon was born...but even then I had some bookkeeping clients, tutored kids in math, and babysat to make extra money.

Phil would love nothing more than to be able to provide a salary that would allow me to stay home.  He already works full-time as a severely underpaid Catholic school teacher, does security in the morning hours before school starts as well as a couple afternoons, and is the CCD Director at our parish.  Oh yeah, and he is getting his second master's to one day be able to take a job (in school administration) that he will hate but that hopefully will provide more money.  (He is a saint, ok?).  Especially because he doesn't think he is.  He thinks if I'm helping him earn the money, than he should help me in the home.  Love that guy.

For now, I'm going to struggle through this job, but changes are coming soon.  I'm not sure in what direction I want to go (or what we can financially handle) but I can't do this much longer.  My kids, my husband, my sanity, and our happiness are worth way more than this paycheck.


  1. I'm so sorry, Colleen. When you first mentioned the new job, it sounded like it would be a great fit, but now, well, it sounds awful. I often wonder how working moms do it all. I can get overwhelmed with all of the household duties and responsibilities, and I'm home all day. You are one strong, amazing woman! I'll be praying for peace and direction for you all. Do I sound completely ignorant by asking if there was any way that you could work in accounting from home?

  2. maybe the job will grow on you? Or not.

    I understand. the whole mom going to work thing--or not-- is very conflicting. It must be very stressful for you.

  3. 2 things: I never found a way to reconcile with the guilt I experienced as a working mom. When Jason pitched in, I always felt guilty no matter what. I think it is ingrained in us and we can't shake the guilt no matter how hard we try. Phil is a saint. You are a saint for going back to work too! It's hard after a cushy life as a SAHM!! But when it's necessary, you get major points

    2nd thing: They pay private school teachers well down here in MD. COME ON DOWN!!

  4. Sorry to read this Colleen. That sounds like an awful lot going on and big changes at your household in order for you to take this job. That's tough. I wish there were easier answers.
    I'll add in a few extra prayers for you and Phil and right discernment and peace. I hope things get much better very soon. Please keep us posted.

    In case they'll help, here's a whole armful of {{hugs}} coming your way!!

  5. Oh I do hope things work out for the better. It's hard trusting the Lord sometimes, but there is bound to be some benefit to this new job. If it helps at all, my Mom worked at a job an hour away and we only saw here for maybe an hour in the evenings, but we never held it agaist her or resented her for it. I hope that is a plus.

  6. I've been away from blog reading for so long. How hard, prayers for you and you are a saint! ;)

  7. Oh, Colleen, I am so sorry to hear about how things are going. The job did sound so great. I cannot imagine having to work fulltime. It is hard enough juggling everything while working part time. I will be praying for you. Maybe God is preparing you for something else.

  8. I haven't been reading blogs lately but I am sorry to hear that this change isn't a happy one for you. I was so happy to read about your new job and I am sorry to hear things are going well. I cannot imagine how long your days are and trying to fit it all in.
    I was having a cranky day (Jon has LONG days on Thursdays) but after reading your post, it put my long day into perspective.
    I hope that you are able to make the changes that you need to make you and your family happier. I want to say that maybe after some time the job will get better, but it won't change the long days or the commute. I do hope things get better!

  9. Sorry that you are so unhappy with it. I know that the long commute can be draining-Peter hates it too. Doesn't sound like this is going to work out for you-maybe that change you were hoping for will work out....

  10. Super big hugs Colleen! I hope that with time, things get easier and a little less overwhelming. Keeping you all in my thoughts!

  11. what a bummer. could you work through lunch and leave at four, that would give you more time with the kids and maybe you can miss some traffic.
    after working full-time, a part-time job seems like a breeze doesn't it!
    i would recommend offering up your sacrifices for the best situation for your family. i will do the same for you.

  12. I love you. ...and miss you. I'll take good care of the little ones while you're working, K? I know it's not the same, but it's the best I can offer.

  13. i pray hard that it'll all settle down a bit.. and that you'll get some relief from somewhere....

    and about ur hubs... hey! i think you struck gold on that one!!!


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