Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Top Ten: Things NOT to say to a Pregnant Woman

(and the snarky things I WISH I could say in reply!)

10) This is your {insert number} baby?  Are you crazy?
       Yes, crazy to be talking to someone like you.

9)  You do know how this happens, right?
      Um, yeah.  We consider ourselves experts at it, and we like it!

8) You get bigger every day!
     So do you, but what's your excuse?

7) So, when are you due?  {Tell them due date} Wow, I would have guessed sooner!
     And I would have guessed that you knew better than to say that.

6) So-and-so is pregnant, and due before you, and you're way bigger!
     Well, I just like to give my baby a lot of room in there.

5) How are you going to afford college for all these kids?
     If you're so worried about our finances, we'll gladly accept a donation.

4) What names are you thinking of?  {Insert names} Ohhhhhh, where did you come up with that?
     Well, we wanted to use your name, but then realized they might turn out as tactless as you.

3) How many more weeks/days until you're due?
     Try months!

2)  You must be having a girl because girls steal all your beauty.
      Oh, so you must have had a lot of girls yourself.

1)  You must be having twins!?!?!
      Nope just one, but thanks for that!

The ONLY thing you should ever say to a pregnant woman is "YOU LOOK GREAT!"


 Phil would like me to add that you NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is in labor!


  1. LOL!!!! I had someone ask me the twin question too...OY.

    I have a policy; I never assume a woman is pregnant unless I see the baby CROWNING!!!!!

  2. i love all those and have been asked all those and also thought all those but never replied those thoughts.

  3. so true, being pregnant can be very humbling!

  4. So far I mostly just get the "you have your hands full" comments but I have gotten then "better you than me" (No kidding!) comment and then "so are you done after this one?" comment. This is baby #4 though, so I'm sure I haven't heard the end of it.

    It is positively mind-blowing how few brain cells people employ before they open their mouths.

    My big temptation is always to turn the table and ask them some personal fertility question to see if that would make them see how inappropriate it is but I have managed to restrain myself. So far. :)

  5. have people REALLY said all of those things to you?!? GOODness.

  6. That is the TRUTH! My favorite so far? The other day my mom said "You look like you're carrying this baby different than you carried the others". I replied "Oh, that's code for 'I've gained more weight this time around'". My mom then came back with, "No. No. It's just, with the others you couldn't tell you were pregnant from behind". Oh, YES, she really did say that! I'm still kinda holding a grudge. I mean, do people think that I don't have a mirror? Yes, I do realize that I've gained more weight in more places. I don't need someone else to point it out. Especially not my own mother!

    Whew, that felt good to get that off my chest ;)

  7. In November some lady asked me when I was due - I politely told her December 11th... And she says "oh, it's twins right?!" :-/ I wanted to say "no, I'm just a hippo!!" but I refrained.

    Some people!!!!

  8. Oh my, those were both funny and disturbing!! It honestly boggles my mind that people could be so thoughtless and rude!!! It also seems really crazy and backwards that in this day and age when the social mantra is to accept everyone, that it is still ok to make fun of catholics or people with a lot of kids.

  9. HA! I'm now a member of this club and REALLY getting it! The kids I can handle it from... the parents... goodness people! "THINK... THEN SPEAK!"

  10. Hehe.. these are great! When I was pregnant I found this "Letter to Non-Pregnant People". Some are a little harsh, I think, but others are SPOT ON!

    Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

    I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.

    1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ass.

    2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents or strangers. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'.

    3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it. The same goes for the name of the baby.

    4) Children are a miracle, a gift from God, and should be anticipated and treated as much, even if it's your first or fifth.

    5) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

    6) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance, and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'.

    7) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

    8) There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

    9) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

    I hope this helps- it sure makes us feel better.

    All Pregnant Women

  11. OMG! I love that letter and I'm totally going to post it at my blog now. LOL

    Most people just ask what I'm having. I usually have my two boys with me and say "another boy." Some come back with the "hands full" comment to which I reply, "better full than empty." Then they go on to ask if we are going to try for a girl. I usually just say yes, but I'm trying to come up with a better response because it's really none of thier business.

  12. I love your crafted answers and give you permission to use them any time you see fit.

    But I love snark and in general don't know when to shut up ... so maybe you don't want my advice on that. If you said any of them to me and I crack up and also know my place.

    I just thought that a good maternity T-shirt would say "Thank You."
    Sort of a polite way to shut people up before they speak stupidity!


Talk to me...