Sunday, July 29, 2012

Notes from the Couch, Part One

We have been watching the Olympics a lot.  A lot a lot a lot.  We are watching at home and recording to watch with the kids the next day.  I go to the gym, it's on tv.  I watch the news, it's Olympics recaps.  I can't check my phone because TMZ is trying to spoil my Olympics watching by telling me who wins in real time.  I may as well be in the Olympics if they had a spectator category because I think I would medal at Olympic watching.  I'm that good.

Now for my notes from the couch.

1) A word to the American women who play beach volleyball (I'm looking at you Misty and Kerri).  I love that it is chilly enough in England that you have to wear these shirts:

 in place of the skimpy bikinis you usually wear:

 However, could you please wear bottoms that cover more than your, ahem, bottoms?  
Like these Australian women, perhaps (minus the sports-bra-over-the-shirt look):

 If you have to adjust your briefs after every play, then THEY ARE TOO SMALL!!

The men can play like this:
So I'm sure more clothing won't impede your talent.

2) Michael Phelps.  You poor thing.  You didn't even know what to say after you came in 4th place in the 400 IM:

But victory sure was sweet for your teammate, Ryan Lochte:

I mean he's cute, he's handsome, and he's good-looking.

Oh, and he's talented.

I'm glad he finally gets a chance to shine after being in Phelp's shadows all these years.
I got your back, Ry Ry:

Hey, thanks, girl.

Phelps, you can still get 3 medals to be the top decorated Olympian ever, just don't do it at Lochte's expense, ok?

3) What would ever, ever, ever compel someone to ride a bike for over 5 hours?  I take one spinning class and can't walk right for 3 days.  How do these guys do it?

And it's not only being on the bike for that long.  It's being on a bike for that long and staring at another guy's bum the whole time:

Plus look at what happens to your legs!!!  Here is Robert Foerstemann of Germany:

I'm all for muscular legs, but oy vey!

4) How about the Opening Ceremony?  I thought it was pretty good.  Lots of stuff going on, and the English highlighted what they were the most proud of, which, turns out, is the stuff nightmares are made of: 


and big babies:

The dancing and music were seriously fun.  

But then the Americans outfits:

U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi.  

I'm no fashion diva, but I think Ralph Lauren could have given them something more updated and simple.  And maybe actually made the American outfits on American soil.  Oops!  Small oversight, I guess.

Stay tuned for more Olympic insights from your untalented Olympic spectator's notes from the couch.


  1. Dying. I've never been much of a fan of the Olympics, but if you keep up commentary like this, you'll convert me.

  2. Oh my gosh, this is hysterical! I've been frustrated with the volleyball ladies for years now. For real. This is probably the sport that makes the LEAST sense to be wearing bikinis. It's SAND, ladies!! Way over-exfoliation in places best left alone...

  3. Thanks for the re-cap! I have not been nearly as talented in the spectator category. You will totally take GOLD, Martin!

    No kidding on the volleyball outfits. Had to turn that off. Didn't need big girl (or aware boy) to watch that with those tiny bottoms.Good grief!

    I was into the Opening Ceremony but found a number of things...odd. Totally missed the US coming in. For serious?! That's what they wore?? I think some tiny country that submitted three athletes had more authentic and cute outfits. Oh Ralph, something went wrong there. Heck, I'd be with Michael Phelps and not walk just because I didn't want to wear the outfit, not because I had to swim the next day.

    However, I'm guessing your Ry, Ry looked good in that outfit too. lol.

    Looking forward to more re-caps for what I miss while busy here. Or for what I miss because I had the super duper NBC website schedule with 'London time' highlighted instead of 'My Time'. In which case I miss everything by six hours.Humph.

  4. We have been watching lots too!! I was so happy to see Ry Ry win like that. Totally agree about the volleyball uniform. Totally agree that the American outfits should have been made here... oh my gosh! They sort of looked 'frenchy' to me. lol

  5. Colleen... this just made my night. I'm turning to you for the 411 on what's going on in England for sure! :) Awesome awesome post!

  6. Lol, I was speculating that they put the beach volleyball at night just so the ladies would cover up more. Though I saw that the Argentinians just decided it wasn't cold.

  7. enjoyed this - thanks! funny enough I just heard volleyball girl talking about how she thinks she has "never worn anything "sexy" it is just the human body/movement that is "sexy"" something along those lines anyway - sorry to type that word as I personally don't care for it. Anyhoo, i was so annoyed with her!

  8. love these! i totally agree about ryan, what a cutie pie! i am so tired of watching the girls pick their underwear out of their butts too, so silly!


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