There have been a few times in my life when a realization about myself has hit me like a ton of bricks. A passing comment made by someone would strike me to my inner core and have me questioning my reality vs. how others perceived me. These people didn't even know that what they had said was so earth-shattering to me, but when you can remember it after all of these years, you know it had a big effect on your person. Or perhaps I just feel too much?
When I was growing up, the fifth of six children living on Cape Cod, I used to annoy my older sisters and brothers a lot. They constantly had to babysit me in the summer, as my parents owned an ice cream shop and were always working. I wanted to have a "normal" childhood, and would ask to go to the beach or the playground or somewhere fun and would get upset when they wouldn't take me and try to annoy them into it. One day my older sister looked at me and said "You are going to get beat up in high school". In the moment, I hated her, but that comment really did make me realize how bratty I was acting and I tried to be better, not wanting future Colleen to get beaten up.
~ The One When I Realized My Future Had Limitations ~
I used to have horrible psoriasis as a child, and had to put this really stinky coal tar on my shins and hands before bed each night, then sleep with sweatpants and gloves because it would stain and make a mess of the sheets if I didn't. It was an ordeal, but it did work eventually. Anyway, the dermatologist made a comment while inspecting my psoriasis-y fingers that the treatment would help, but that I "would never be a hand model". Tears sprung to my eyes even though I never once considered modeling of any kind, but it was the first time someone had told me there were things I couldn't be even if I had wanted to. All these years later and tears still fill my eyes just remembering that remark.
~ The One When I Realized the Impression I Gave ~
I am an introvert, and a shy person at heart. Through years of customer service and growing up in a big family, I have learned to make small-talk and be polite and fake it until I make it with being friendly. The perfect friend for me was always someone who was more confident, more talkative and could make me laugh like crazy. And they had to pursue me for a friendship, as I tend to think others wouldn't be interested in getting to know me. That sounds more depressing than it feels. Ha! Anyway, when I was a Junior in high school and my sister was a Freshman, I passed her in the hallway and smiled and said hi to her and her friend. My sister later told me that her friend was so shocked that I said hi to her because she always thought I was such a snob. I was floored that somebody thought of me in this way, I'm not stuck up, I'm just shy! But it did teach me to force a smile and look others in the eyes even when all I wanted to do was look down at my shoes.
~ The One When I Realized Whom was Being Pitied ~
Recently at my new job, I had a huge awakening after pushing myself to converse with a couple coworkers. These coworkers seemed like they just needed someone to talk to, like the outcasts of the office. So I would pull on my big girl pants, remind myself that Jesus loves everyone, and patiently talk with them when they walked by my office. Oh they told me stories of their illnesses and tupperwares that were stained, and the soup recipe they made, etc all while I was repeating my inner mantra to be kind. be kind. be kind. I don't know what prompted it, but one day I had an AHA! moment that it was THEM who were pitying ME and being kind to me as the new employee. They were going out of their way to include me and probably viewed me as the outcast here. Like Colleen, who do you think you are? Get in your place! That thought still makes me chuckle, and reminds me of the doggy bumper sticker "Who rescued who?"
How about you? I would love to hear of the comments that shook you to your very core, but also taught you a valuable life lesson. Let's discuss!
Gosh, I now officially want to move near you so we can be besties. I am a chatty one, so introverts and I mesh well together.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, my best friend's mom when we were in junior high told me that I should be a hand model. What? It was a strange comment and not something I ever really considered, but I have long fingers. Now I also have two thick pinkies, so good thing I'm not relying on attractive hands to earn my keep. I hadn't thought of that comment in years.
I am trying to think of similar situations, but the only ones I can come up with are the things my family members say and I happen to know that they are wrong. Always. They are not going to cause me to grow, dang it. Do I sound stubborn? Well, I am definitely stubborn, but they are also nit-picky. I guess the one thing they've said and my own children/husband will get on my case about is talking too much, or telling long stories. My kids joke about it, whereas my siblings roll their eyes and tell me 'stop talking' sort of thing, or tune me out. I don't really bother anymore, so it happens less with them. Oh, the other thing they said when we were growing up is that I had bad breath. I definitely have a complex about that now. Life lesson: carry mints.
My sister Ann has repeatedly made comments about my need to clean house better. Once she came over to stay with my kids YEARS ago so I could run to the doctor or something. I had just made cookies and I hadn't cleaned the cookie sheets and she scolded me about it. For real.
The only other one I can think of is the high school English teacher who bumped me out of honors English. My other teachers had always found my writing awesome, etc. I will be sure to dedicate my future book to her.
I'm sure there are ways that people's comments have hurt me, like the woman I babysat for for years who told me at my sister's wedding that my hair looked too crunchy and stiff. She also corrected me for dressing like a Christmas tree when I wore a red shirt and school issued green gym shorts as a 7th grader. I didn't have a very generous wardrobe. Those comments stung. My family's comments are worse, but I've chosen to surround myself with people who are supportive, generally. Plus I laugh at myself a lot.
My bestie growing up was an introvert and was VERY quiet. She was super upset when she learned that people thought she was a snob. Totally misunderstood her quiet demeanor.
Oh yes we would totally be friends :)
DeleteI hope your book is a best seller and you send that teacher a copy. Wouldn't it be nice if your sister had just cleaned the dishes for you and not said anything?? That's what I would have done.
See, we would go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
DeleteI do wonder if the universe is sending me messages on things that I need to learn from, but I'm just not listening.
I'm an introvert when I don't know anyone, but an extrovert around my people. I can see how someone might thing a shy person is a snob and that's kind of sad. Right?
ReplyDeleteI can't think of any comments made to me that shook me to my core, but I recall my MIL telling someone that she and I get along so well especially considering that we were brought up so differently. It made me scratch my head and I think it might have been a dig towards my Mom for some reason. I dunno. I just always remember it even though I adore my MIL. It was weird. I should have asked her about it.
I'll probably think of something more relatable to your post at 3am. Do you want me to call you then? 🤓
BTW, I'll never be a hand model either. or a foot model. Or face model. Or hair model. Or bikini model.
My ankles? ON POINT.
Ooooh an ankle model! Fancy! And yes you could have called me in the middle of the night as we were all wide awake thanks to the loudest thunder storm ever :(
DeleteI am an extroverted introvert. I need my alone time to recharge for sure, but I love being around other people. I can't remember any comments that have stuck with me a lot, but I do remember when I was very small some friend of my mother's said about me "well, she's sure not shy" which is true.
ReplyDeleteI will never be a hand model either, my hands are really really big. My fingers are super long and I often have to buy men's large gloves.
I had a lot of issues with weight as a child (and still struggle as an adult) and I still remember hearing my parents and older siblings discussing this in hushed tones down the hall once. I don't remember being upset, per se - I knew I was struggling with eating habits - but it still shook me to my core.
ReplyDelete