Recently I've been reading some of my favorite bloggers and started to leave a comment on what they posted to find "Hmmm, I have a lot of ideas and feelings about this, maybe I should write about it instead of leaving a big huge comment." So that's what I'm doing. Consider me influenced and prompted by these lovely ladies:
Elisabeth has been hosting a series of bloggers talking about gratitude, as well as increasing her own awareness of joy and gratitude in her life. We all *know* that being more grateful and content with what we have is a great way to feel more joyful and peaceful, and yet we all need the reminders, don't we?
Besides singing the VeggieTales song in my head "A thankful heart is a happy heart, I'm glad for what I have, that's an easy way to start..."
... I've also found these practices work for me when I'm feeling less than content:
1. I have to ---> I get to
A wise mom told me this when I was deep in the trenches of four kids aged four and under. Replace I HAVE to with I GET to. I get to be the one who feeds them dinner, I get to be the one who keeps them safe, I get to bathe them and comfort them and change their diapers. It's just semantics, but it really did help to remind me that I was chosen for this role to these specific little humans and how lucky was I?
2. Compare down
My husband figured this one out for me whenever I was in my habit of comparison to others. When life felt a bit overwhelming and I would comment that it was unfair that "their house is bigger, his car is newer, she doesn't have to work, they didn't have college loans, their parents help with the kids, etc. etc" my husband would tell me that I was comparing UP and I should try comparing DOWN. Think about all those people who have less than us, who would love to be in our situation, who struggle to have children, who can't afford college or a house, who don't have a strong family, who are lonely or sick. Instead of looking at what I lack, look at all I am blessed to have. Instant reset button.
3. How would I like to be remembered
When people describe someone, and they use words like "complainer, melancholic, downer, nitpicker, difficult, mean-spirited" that is the exact opposite of how I want to be remembered. Thinking about how you're viewed by others and how you come across is a great way to work on those parts of our personalities that need some fine tuning. I can feel like complaining but choose not to do it and say something complimentary instead. I might feel like life is hard, but I can still put on a smile and hug a loved one. It's not exactly faking it until you make it, but it is trying to see yourself from another's point of view.
4. Everything's a season
This one is obvious, the baby will be potty trained one day, the picky eater will become an adult who cooks for themselves one day, the kids who need rides everywhere will get their licenses one day. Just like life on this earth, it's all temporary and this too shall pass. We might even miss it!
5. Offer it up
Will these words be written on my mom's tombstone? I think so! She reminded us to never let the suffering go to waste, because by offering it up, we can unite our pain to Jesus' sacrifice and God can use it as a prayer for another's healing or salvation. We offer up the good, the bad, and the ugly, constantly glorifying God and willingly accepting His Will as it comes. So even when it's hard to be grateful in a situation, we can at least feel that we are doing something by offering it up.
6. Go to Confession
Say you're sorry, get forgiven, try not to do it again. Boom. Better than therapy. Walk away feeling instantly lighter and more loving and grateful.
~
Now, on a less philosophical and theological note, Suzanne mentioned that she received a new hair dryer for her birthday and got to use it on her hair washing day. I think this is the healthier way to care for one's hair, by not washing it every day, but I don't understand how one manages this. Is my hair just naturally greasier? Is it because I exercise and sweat every day? I just cannot imagine getting into bed at night without washing my whole body, hair included. Teach me your secrets ladies! Dry shampoo? Certain hairstyles? Accepting that greasy look?
Re: hairwashing: I have gone from washing every day to washing 2x a week. Partly it's a time of life thing--passing 50 has meant drier hair. I do still massage my scalp under the water in the shower every day, but I eased up on washing as I noticed my hair not feeling gross if I let it go a day or two more. It wasn't an exact science! I have straight, fine hair cut shoulder length.
ReplyDeleteThis gives me hope for the future!
DeleteTotally agree regarding gratitude - especially "I get to vs. I have to." I was also raised by a mom who taught us to "offer it up."" I must admit that there are times I am much better at this than others! Also - must agree with previous commenter on hair washing. I am typically an every day hair washer but have found with aging, I can sometimes wash less frequently but I really think it has to do with hair type. I have fine, straight hair and I think it just requires more frequent washing but it is drier as I get older.
ReplyDeleteYes I'm fine, straight hair too. Moms of a certain generation must have learned to say Offer it Up in motherhood classes ;)
DeleteI'm in perimenopause, and I sweat so much at night now that I need a shower and hair wash every morning. It's as much for me as it is for society. I never dry my hair though. I either put it up in a bun (that manages to stay wet through the day) or let it do it's thing (wavy when short, straight when long), now with 30% grey!
ReplyDeleteI barely ever dry my hair either, as I think heat damages it, but it's so fine and thin that I'm wondering if not washing as often will help it grow?
DeleteThis is a great post. I so appreciate these 'angles' - esp the compare down and the 'I get to'. I get to visit Tank at college two of the next three weekends. Clearly I'm not in the diaper and teaching kids to read, etc stage. I'm so excited to get outta dodge and visit him this weekend and again in two weeks. Yeah me. I can really use that 'I get to' frame of mind though when I'm tackling some of the issues with the two new-to-us girls. It's exhausting most of the time, and I would like to do a better job of embracing all that comes with being their mom.
ReplyDeleteMy mom ALWAYS said, Offer it up. LIKE ALWAYS. But, she didn't do the greatest job of describing what that meant. I get it now, but as a kid I was like, Huh?
Hair: during the pandemic, I started washing my hair every other day. I now only wash my hair twice a week. I cannot even believe that this is working for me. But my hair is so thin and it tends to be really dry. I have curly hair and the texture is different than other people's hair. On days I don't wash my hair, I might wet it a bit in order to restyle it. I have found that the product I have in my hair after I wash it - helps my hair bounce back after I went it a bit.
Ahhh wetting it to restyle is a smart idea! I think curly hair people can get away with it easier than straight hair, and I'm jealous!
DeleteThe "have to" and "get to" is such an important distinction! We have implemented that a lot in our catechism and how we convey matters to the Faith to children (and adults!). "I get to go to Mass" is much more accurate and inspiring than "I have to go to Mass".
ReplyDeleteAlso when considering the Commandments and Laws of the Church - yes, we need to focus on what they tell us not to do but we need to also focus on what we get to do because of them!
My Dad told us to offer it up a lot and I am grateful! He never dismissed actually injuries, etc. but wisely taught us to bear our crosses and they are bearable if we follow Jesus. I wasn't always good at practicing it (still working on it now!) but the advice still remains.
Happy Almost Lent!
Hi Sister! Offering things up is so simple in theory and so hard in practice. I remember when I had shingles and it was the worst pain in my life, I offered it up for someone who was going through cancer treatments. My pain lasted a whole month and I thought, hmm, maybe I shouldn't have offered it up :)
DeleteI have thin, fine hair and have just accepted that I need to wash my scalp everyday, like I do my face! Bonus is that it helps my allergies in the spring.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of your list, I tried skipping a wash every other day and just didn’t like the thought of being grumpy for half my life (aka every other day) because my hair looked greasy and dirty!
Grumpy for half of your life! This made me laugh!
DeleteI washed my hair everyday from 7th grade into my late 20s. Transitioning to every other day did take a few weeks I think. It's been a while, but I think on the days I felt "greasy" I slicked my hair into a bun.
ReplyDeleteAs far as exercise, sweat didn't make a difference, so I wouldn't wash my hair after jogging unless it was wash day. But if I was doing something like Pilates where my hair was touching the mat/floor then I would wash regardless of the day, because that was an ick to far for me.
I think my hair must just be much finer than yours because when I work out, it's completely wet with sweat. I can't imagine just keeping it like that for another day, ya know?
DeleteI'm late to the party - my browser ate my previous attempts. I think hair washing really depends on type of hair, type of products and styling, and water quality. (It's like the "no-poo" fad that was popular a few years ago, It worked for some, and others a disaster. ) For fine, oily hair, more frequent washings might be best. I have fine, straight hair, and if I don't wash every day, my scalp gets irritated. If I skip a day in the winter, I might get by, but it doesn't look great.
ReplyDeleteIf you're exercising and "glowing" , your hair would appreciate the wash, I bet. It doesn't take that long to wash hair (or at least I don't think so?), and if you hair looks good, why worry about washing every day being healthy or not? It works for you. Your hair always looks great - sleek and smooth! -mbmom11
I'm trying to do things to help my hair grow and thicken this year, like taking Nutrafol and using a scalp serum, so I thought maybe washing it less was another way to help it grow better? But I just can't not wash it at this stage in my life. Hopefully as I get older the texture will change and I won't have to, as some commenters have said above.
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