Conception Confessions

Our Diocese cancelled all trips to go to the March for Life due to the winter storm DC was getting.  Smart move, but sad for all the students here who wanted to go and march.  Sarah sent me this video on the day of the March, and I was a snotty mess after watching it.

I looked down at my (already!) growing belly and thought about how grateful I was to be on my personal march for life for 9 months.  Sad to report, I think it was the first time I was thankful for this pregnancy.  This one was our biggest surprise yet (not a mistake, but definitely a surprise).  We are truly stumped as to how it happened, as we use the Marquette Model of NFP and didn't take any chances at all during the month this bambino was conceived.  Phil jokes that he's not sure who the father is, because we seriously can't pinpoint how this pregnancy occurred.  (Maggie's pregnancy happened in a similar fashion, so maybe it's a girl thing?)

As Christmas was drawing near, and I started to wonder if I could possibly be pregnant, I would remind myself that there was no chance in hades.  But the days went on, and I kept thinking maybe I should take a test, but then I wouldn't want to "waste one" on what would obviously come up negative.  I finally told myself I would take a test on Christmas Eve, which was in a few days.  Then the next morning, while driving the kids to school, I saw the sign in front of our church which read:

 "Blessed is the fruit of your womb"

 I knew I was pregnant.  It was a sign, a literal sign!  The next morning, after tossing and turning all night, I took a test at 5 am and it was positive.  Still thinking there was no way that could be right, I took another test, and again, positive.  I blinked back tears and tried to think of how to tell Phil (he always gets super excited about the news, and I wanted to surprise him) as he walked into the bathroom, saw me shrug with teary eyes, and gave me the biggest hug and congratulations.  He's pretty fantastic like that.

I just couldn't wrap my head around this baby.  SEVEN kids, that's like practically unheard of around me (right, Michelle?).  My mind started running logistics.  Where would the baby sleep?  How would they all fit in my car?  How could we afford another three more years of daycare?  How would I physically handle this pregnancy at my "advanced maternal age" (36 going on 37)?  I cried a lot because I was scared and had stupidly settled on the thought that 6 kids was our family size.  I thought we were "done", even though I hate when people use that term.  I was open to life in theory, but using NFP to make sure I wouldn't ever have to carry a new life within me.  I was tired, I was selfish, I was scared.  Still am, actually.

Yet somehow, with time and prayer. we adjust and grow and the grace is there to get us through.  After praying for the people who marched for life, and unborn babies, and scared mothers and fathers, I realized how lucky I am.  My husband is a rock, my kids are all thrilled to be having another baby in the house, we have a house and jobs, this baby will share a room with Maggie and we just upgraded to a minivan that will seat me + 7 kids.  God has trusted me enough to allow me to mother another baby with a soul for all eternity.  It's pretty wild that I was chosen to do this, God certainly qualifies the called.  I am getting excited to meet this little babe, and am offering up my morning sickness and physical pains for the aching of so many hearts who would do anything to have a baby of their own.  Blessed is the fruit of my womb, indeed.