Pondering Parenting from Babies to Adults

I can vividly remember having four kids aged 4 and under:

Weren't they the cutest?

But also, the most dependent and needy and clingy and hungry and dirty and awake-at-the-wrong-hours and crying and fighting and mess-making and totally normal toddlers and babies.

There's a reason that Baby #4 and Baby #5 were born almost four years apart...Mama was tired.  I felt like I was drowning in babies.  Thankfully, I was young, I was strong, both mentally and physically, and while I recognized the season was hard, we were able to get through it pretty well.  And yet, I used to hate when a well-meaning older woman would see me grocery shopping with all of the littles and tell me "Enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast!"  I remember thinking that having older kids would be SO MUCH EASIER.  Kids that could get themselves dressed and fed, were potty trained, and go to bed and sleep through the night sounded like winning the lottery.

And that was true.

We had such a glorious stretch of years when having another baby wasn't too hard because there was only one baby and only one toddler, with plenty of older siblings to play with.  Years when all five kids were at the same school, years when all seven kids were in school (no more daycare! no more diapers!), and plenty of years when everyone was asleep in their own bed under our roof.  Dinner for nine was the norm and we knew who was coming and going and what they were doing.  It was busy with lots of moving parts, and it felt difficult at times but it never felt harder than those early baby years.  It was much more fun and entertaining, and those dependent babies became independent kids and teens that we loved to be around.

Then the college years started, and suddenly a piece of our hearts was living far away from home.  Then two pieces were gone.  Then they lived in Europe for a few months each. Now our oldest is in an apartment 12 hours away, about to start his next schooling journey.  And we're ready to launch another one to college in August, and yet another one a year later.  Those four wee ones aged four and under became four young adults who will have graduated high school within five years. 

Nowadays, I find myself wishing for everything to slow down.  I want more time with them at home, more family dinners, more late nights ending with them laying on our bed to talk.  

Just this past weekend, Phil and I were able to take the youngest three kids on an overnight to New Hampshire while the older ones stayed back to work.  We went to the same town where we used to all go together, and all of the happy memories came flooding back.  

2020

I was texting photos to the oldest four of all their old favorite places, letting them know they were missed, and checking on their locations. I had to laugh because they were all over the place... long gone were the days when they were all vying for a location on my lap!  

Mom and Dad, Xander, Declan, Brendan in New Hampshire

JP at Duquesne in Pittsburgh

Andrew holding down The Cottage

Eamon at Fenway Park in Boston

Maggie on Martha's Vineyard with friends

And I realized something.  THIS is the whole point.  We spend years raising them to become adults with their own lives, making their own choices, having their own adventures.  Of course, it's a hard transition to go from being always together to mostly apart.  I'm not sure if it's technically harder than the baby years, but I do know I am a lot more emotional about this stage.  Back then, it just seemed like the days would go on forever and now I know the years go so fast (turns out the old ladies in the grocery stores were right!  I still didn't need to hear it back then.)  

So, yes, it's hard, but Hard doesn't mean Bad.  These are all good and normal things.  I am blessed to see my babies grow up and take flight, especially when many other parents don't get that same privilege.  I am very grateful for every day we have together, no matter if they feel hard or easy, because that's what parenting is all about.