Three Going on Thirteen

While I was pregnant with Xander, Maggie kept asking me to paint her nails after seeing her cousins with theirs done.  I told her that when she became a BIG sister, I would paint her nails.  

Then once Xander was born, she decided she didn't want me to do it...not sure why.  However, two days ago, she asked for it, and so I obliged.  

We were also "gifted" with the hand-me-down necklaces and bracelets of an older cousin, and Maggie has been accessorizing daily!

She suddenly appears so much older :(

But then I see those chubby toddler fingers with the indented knuckles, and all is right again!

Wordless Wednesday: Birth Announcement

Stationery card

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A Little Less Conversation...A Little More Action!

I have learned a HUGE lesson after having this baby.  It is one that might shock and offend some people, but I think it was so important for me to learn that I'm willing to take the risk.  Ready?  Here goes:

Never say to a friend  "Let me know if you need anything".

That's it.  That's the lesson I wish to impart.

I know people say that phrase to be nice (and I myself have said it a gazillion and one times) but it's not nice.  It's a cop-out.  It takes away the guilt of knowing you should be helping out when you really don't want to.  It's a way to make it seem like you care so much when really in fact, you just care enough to use your words...no more.  

I realize that when people say "Let me know if you need anything" to me, I NEVER let them know what I need.  Now, maybe this is just my personality that never wants to put anybody out, but seriously, can you ever politely say: "Um, ok, what I really need is for you to come to my house with a home-cooked meal for my family, and hold the fussy baby so I can get some work done, and then when the baby is napping, maybe you can take my older kids out to play so I can get a much-needed nap." Who does that?  So instead I just smile and say "Thanks" and never actually call a person on it.  

What I've learned is that the BEST thing to do to a friend in need (or just a friend indeed) is to ACTUALLY help them.  Just say, "I really want to bring you a meal, so what day is best for you?"  Or send them a package in the mail with diapers or a Target giftcard or some chocolate.  Or insist that you want to take her kids to the park so she can have some quiet time.  Don't ask, but as Nike says, Just Do It.

So this is the important lesson I learned this time around.  Don't show you care with empty words that make you feel better.  Show you care with action-filled deeds that make her feel better.  

7 Quick Takes (The Postpartum Edition)

1) Every single morning, the four older kids say things like this to Baby Xander:

~He grew so much last night!

~I don't know why, but he is the cutest baby ever!

~Can I hold him?

~Where is the baby? (if he's still sleeping)

One only needs to witness a child with their new sibling to realize that a brother or sister is the best gift you can offer your child.

2) For you runners out there....when can you safely start running after having a baby?  I tried to run a mile yesterday and I thought my body was going to fall apart bone by bone.  Walking is fine, but when can I up the pace?

3) One awesome thing about having more children is that my recovery after each baby has been shorter and less painful than the one before.  Gosh, after that first baby, I thought a truck had run me over.  After the fifth?  I felt pretty much back to normal after a week.  Seriously, it's been great.

4) We are still trying to figure out childcare for when I go back to work.  Please pray for us because I don't want to have to put Xander in a daycare, but it looks like it may end up that way.  There's a family that I see at daily Mass that has two small children, and I keep wanting to ask the mom if she'll watch Xander for me...but I don't even know her name.  Is that weird?  Or is it the Holy Spirit prompting me?

5) How much is a tummy tuck and where can I sign up?  This is not for vanity (I never wore a bikini and I never will) but I would like to fit in my pants again one day without having to buy the next size up just to tuck my belly in.  You moms know what I'm talking about!

6) Do you all go to your 6 week check-ups?  I haven't made mine yet, and I'm thinking I might just skip it.  I'm not due for any yearly exams, and I didn't have any tearing/stitches/hemorrhoids, so can I just trust my own judgement that everything is fine in the netherworld?

7) I am so excited that Phil is taking a few days off from work next week (he's been working maintenance all summer).  So he'll have a few days of summer before he starts teaching again a week from Monday.  Where did August go?  And June and July, for that matter? I just don't want this summer to end....

Just Another Day at the Beach

Quantity Time vs. Quality Time

As I am growing accustomed to life with five children aged eight and under, one being a newborn, I find myself wondering about spreading my time around to each child.  Am I giving each child exactly what they need at exactly the moment they need it?  Are the older children going to resent their new baby brother because I am constantly pressing "pause" on our daily activities in order to feed/change/burp/dress/soothe the baby?  Do each of my kids feel that they are special, loved, and understood?  

I remember back when John-Paul was my only child.  I was able to jump up and attend to his every need and desire because he was my whole life.  I was a stay at home mom, and John-Paul was the only person I was responsible for besides myself.  Then when Andrew came along, I felt so sorry that I had to make John-Paul wait for his lunch because I was tied up with helping Andrew do something else.  I quickly realized that these were teachable moments for John-Paul.  These were the opportunities that he could learn about sharing, waiting and patience.  And the following children would grow up with these lessons as well; lessons that would have been much harder to teach had they not learned by example.  

One of the most common reasons I have heard people give as to why they don't want more than one or two children is that they want to be able to give their children "everything".  They want their children to have all the material possessions they drool over, to be able to afford to send them to their first choice of college, and to give each child enough "quality time".  Because, as we've all heard, quality is more important than quantity, right?  

Wrong!  I truly feel that the amount of time you spend with your children is more important than the kind of time you spend with them.  I think that the whole quality time argument was conjured up by psychologists to appease the guilt felt by busy parents.  Being a working mom myself, I have often used this reasoning to excuse myself of the guilt I have about not spending enough time with my children.  I tell myself that even though I only get to spend 30 minutes a day with my kids, I would make those thirty minutes count, and my kids would understand that.  Guess what?  They didn't understand why mom was always at work and missing activities and family dinners.  They didn't care that the half hour I had with them at night was spent talking and cuddling and gift-giving.  They want me around MORE.  They wanted my time more than any gifts or treat my guilty subconscious persuaded me into buying.  

Luckily, I was able to leave the job that was keeping me away from home for eleven hours a day, and found a new one that will allow me to be home with my kids in the afternoon and evening.  And they couldn't be more excited that Mom gets to pick them up from school, and Mom gets to make dinner (no offense Dad!), and Mom can come to their sports practices.  In a perfect world, I would love to be able to stay at home with them all the time, but our situation doesn't allow that, and that's ok.  That is the hand we've been dealt, and we are so blessed in every other way possible.  

I realize that many parents (especially in situations of single or divorced parents) can only spend limited amounts of time with their children.  But I think that the focus should be on spending as much time as possible with your kids, no matter what you do with them.  If working one less part-time job means your kids can't take dance classes anymore, but allows you to see more of them, then I think that is a family decision that needs to be discussed.  What's the point of making money in order to give your family "the best" when in fact you are just giving them less of yourself?  I think the majority of kids would rather have a parent that spends time with them rather than money on them.

I hope that no matter what we can afford to give our children in this life, they will always feel that we were never cheap with our love, understanding, and patience.  I hope they realize that we gave them as much as possible with our time, that no matter what we were doing together...we were together.