I was eating raspberries the other day, and found myself looking through them very carefully before I popped them in my mouth. What was I looking for? Bugs, of course. You see, one time I was at a friend's house and she had made a beautiful salad topped with raspberries and blackberries, and I ate a huge helping of the healthy deliciousness. Later in the evening, I thought to myself that some of those berries would be delicious in my drink, so I picked a few off the salad and they floated in my drink so prettily and I thought "Girl, you fancy!" as I took a sip. I set the drink down and when I went to take another sip, there were quite a few drowned fruit flies that had floated to the top of my beverage. I realized they must have been IN the belly of the berries, and then I realized how many berries I had eaten earlier in the salad, and then my belly didn't feel so great. Lesson learned. Now all berries are inspected closely before consumption.
Totally related, I was reading a magazine article back in the day when we had to buy magazines because we didn't get our entertainment news from our phones. The article mentioned that one should carefully wash grapes because spiders tend to spin webs in vineyards and go home with unsuspecting consumers. Wouldn't you know it, later that very same day, I found a spider in my grapes! Now all grapes are inspected closely before consumption.
My parents took me out to eat one fine evening when I was just a darling little girl, and I ordered chicken fingers and fries as all kids do. When my meal came I was so hungry and I bit into a chicken finger as if I hadn't been fed in days. I chewed and and thought "that doesn't feel right" and looked at the remaining half of my chicken tender and it was completely raw in the middle. I spit it out and my mom (a former nurse with a strong hatred for all things salmonella) and I were both so upset. My dad had the waitress bring me over a fresh plate of *cooked* chicken tenders, which I properly dissected into teensy pieces before eating. From then on, I always order my meat well-done, take the temperature of every meat I cook, and cut into any meat I'm served to make sure nothing is left uncooked. Overcooked, dried out and tasteless? That's the meat for me.
I have a deep-seated fear of mice. It's genetic from what I can tell because my mom and sisters feel the same way. Or I guess that means it could be gender specific? Anyway, I'm not here to study musophobia, I'm just here to report on it. So imagine sweet little Colleen aged ten (I hope you're imagining her with huge buckteeth and freckles or you've got the wrong girl). She goes out to the garage and pulls her rollerblades off the shelf and pulls the first rollerblade on violently, as rollerblades need to be pulled on. She reaches for the second rollerblade and duplicates the procedure when all of a sudden she feels something squishy near her toes. She yelps and pulls off the rollerblade and turns it upside down to watch in horror and slow-motion, a dead baby mouse fall to the floor. Tears! Panic! Much yelling and jumping onto high surfaces! One of my brothers is assigned the task of getting rid of the deceased and I never wore those rollerblades again. Later in the day, I was laying on the couch in our family room and "resting my eyes" clearly emotionally exhausted from the finding of the day, when I opened my eyes to see my big brother dangling the dead mouse in front of my face. Cue dramatics yet again. Somehow I managed to forgive my brother eventually, but to this day, I will turn any boot (or shoe I can't clearly see into) upside down and shake it out before I put it on.
Friends came over yesterday to watch the football game and they brought over jalapeno poppers. As I ate one, I reminisced about the time I cut my first jalepeno to make a new soup recipe and then HOURS LATER while getting ready for bed, I took out my contacts and burned my eye so bad. I squirted saline solution in my eye and tried washing it with water but nothing would stop the pain. Phil googled what to do and he said that he needed to squirt milk in my eye, and I was like uh, no, that's nuts. But then a minute later I was like "WHY ISN'T THERE MILK IN MY EYE ALREADY?" and it actually did help after many milky washes. That was my first and last time ever cutting a jalapeno.
How about one last one? If I have to input a cook time on the microwave, a time for a timer, or set an alarm time on my phone, I can not for the life of me set it ending in a 5 or a 0. If I'm supposed to set a 10 minute timer, I have to do 9 and then add 1 later. If I want to work out on a treadmill, you better believe I'm choosing a speed not ending in 0 or 5. All of my alarms are set for weird times like 6:39 and the all food is overcooked in the microwave by 1 second. I'm not sure where that weird quirk came from but I'm sure there's a traumatic story hiding in my subconscious somewhere.
This post totally cracked me up! I am with you on all things bugs and critter but specifically mice! When I was in college, I came back to school after Christmas break. I had a box of sweaters stored under my bed and when I pulled it out to get one, three mice were staring back at me and the box was filled with mouse droppings! I endured weeks of friends singing, "Three Blind Mice" to me which I had a hard time finding amusing! I'm still traumatized!ReplyDelete
I can't believe all this freaky stuff that happened to you! Ugh lol. Years ago my husband and I were at Whataburger, a Texas iconic burger chain but at that visit I ordered the chicken tenders. They were raw inside. My husband wouldn't even tell the staff, he just said let's go and left his burger on the table and we walked out. When I was a teen a friend's sister had put her foot into her shoe that had a potato bug inside. For many years afterwards I checked my shoes. At my daughter's last house they had mice and one was running across the kitchen floor at the same time my granddaughter came tearing through. She stepped on it and there was blood on the floor. My daughter freaked out more than the kids haha!ReplyDelete
You are the third person I've heard that had to bite into a raw chicken finger - cook the chicken people!Delete
Oh my gosh. The mouse one - NO! I once put a shoe on while babysitting and a cricket was inside my shoe. I was like WHAT IS MAKING MY SHOE FEEL LIKE THIS? I took the shoe off and went BANANAS when the cricket hopped off. Same thing happened a few years ago when I put a shoe on to go workout VERY early in the morning - only it wasn't a cricket, it was a thousand -legger. I was not even able to scream loudly. Had to scream with my hand over my mouth because the rest of the fam was asleep. The mouse thing is so much worse, and the torment by the big brother, oh no he didn't. All the rest of your 'issues' had explanations, I'd love to know the significance of the 'no 0 or 5'.ReplyDelete
I would love to know the timer one as well...maybe I just have a small case of OCD?Delete
I inspect fruits and vegetables very closely. I ate half a worm once that was in the lettuce-- and that was beyond unnerving. Ick. I have a difficult time setting the timer on our cooktop. It doesn't like my touch plus it beeps a little beep to tell me it's one minute away from being over. What's that all about? I don't need a pre-beep to alert me to the fact there's going to be a beep.ReplyDelete
My dad's favorite joke is "What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?" FINDING HALF A WORM! I feel so scarred for you in that lettuce story!!Delete
Oh. My. God. The mouse story. Aieeee. I think I would have dropped dead right there.ReplyDelete
I knew a guy who was eating nachos at a bar and was putting extra jalapenos on. Then he went to the bathroom without washing his hands and apparently it was agonizing. As tears came to his eyes due to his burning junk, he wiped them away WITH THOSE SAME HANDS. Anyway, it was a funny story to all who heard it but maybe not so funny for him.
Ouch very sensitive parts indeed!Delete
One day you'll miss this. LOL!ReplyDelete
I think of spiders when I'm cleaning, separating my grapes too. Also, I saw once about a hundred years ago where huge jungle spiders hid among banana bunches, so you bet your sweet butt I'm checking the crevices of bunches! (Did I just add another worry to your fruit?)
Years ago we hosted a huge holiday party at a hotel for our employees. The salad that was presented to me before dinner was lovely; it had freshly plucked edible violas (or pansies? ) on top that you could eat. Which was lovely...until I also found a butterfly in my salad! The horror that I almost ate it.
You of all people almost eating a butterfly - I laughed so hard at that image!Delete
I once ate an entire chicken wing that was extremely under-cooked. About an hour later I was vomiting violently which continued continued for several hours and think about that every time I eat a chicken wing. And for the record - there is only one restaurant that I will eat chicken wings at because wings are their specialty and they know how long to cook them. I am not taking any chances any where else! Also for the record, I still love chicken wings!ReplyDelete
Oh geez, getting violently sick would be enough to make me swear off chicken - you're a brave woman!Delete
I know someone who found a (dead!) black widow in their grapes.ReplyDelete
I HATE spicy food, but my husband loves hot peppers. On numerous occasions I've used a vegetable knife lying on the counter and later touched my eye and realized he had been dicing up hot peppers and then it gets into my eye or some such painful thing. It is the WORST!
Yikes to both scenarios!!Delete