Ask Me Anything: Ages and Stages

I received quite a few questions along the line of "When do you allow {insert activity} or how do you handle {insert stage}?" So here's a guide to the ages and stages in the Martin house.  Please remember to take this with a huge chunk of salt as I am raising my kids and you are raising your kids and that was by design and not by accident.

Age 3 weeks - Introduce the bottle to my breastfeeding babies.  There will be a time you are away from your baby.  There will be a time said baby gets hungry.  Ain't no stress like a hangry baby who won't take the bottle.  We learned this lesson the hard way with Baby #2 and the rest of them took the bottle just fine.  Phil gives a bottle feeding once a day and I breastfeed the rest of the feedings until I have to return to work, and then I pump until the wells run dry.  After that, it's formula until their first birthday.  This is what worked for us, as a fed baby is a happy baby, and none of it is worth the heartache and stress I used to put myself through.  As my friend, a nurse, used to say "A bottle a day keeps depression away" and trust me, when Phil would do that bottle feeding and I could sleep for a 3 or 4 hour chunk of time...that did indeed keep my baby blues at bay.

Age 1 - Pacifier and blanky (or whatever their comfort item is) lives in the crib now.  Gone are the good old days of sucking on a pacifier willy-nilly.  The baby uses it for sleeping only, and is excited for nap time and bed time to get their precious items.  We find this very helpful to create good sleepers and good talkers.  Also the bottles go away and it's sippy cups only with whole milk or water.  Bedtime is at 7 pm and naptime is only once a day now, after an early lunch, from 11:30 - 2:30 if we're lucky.

Age 2 - Say bye bye to the crib and hello to a big bed.  We do not do the whole toddler bed thing, we just put them in a twin bed with a wall on one side and a bed rail on the other.  My kids still think they are stuck in a crib with this setup and call for us to come and get them when they wake up.

Age 3 - No more pacifiers.  Two of my kids were thumb suckers and thumbs are not easy to throw away ;)  We had them wear a glove to bed that would remind them to try and stop sucking, but honestly they sucked those little thumbies for a lot longer than they let us know.  Our 3 year olds also go to preschool at the same Catholic elementary school their siblings attend.  It's so much cheaper than daycare, so as soon as they are potty trained (which happens in the summer before they attend preschool) off they go!

Age 4 - Ummmm just my favorite age ever.  Soccer starts as do swimming lessons and I feel like you can kind of really see their personality start to shine.  

Age 5 - Chores begin!  I'll do a seperate chore post another day, but Kindergartners are great at wanting to help!  Even if it means I have to do the chore for real after they "try", I still let them try.

Age 6 - Basketball starts.  First graders can pack their own snacks for school, fill their own water bottles, be responsible for getting their homework done, with our help when needed.  

Age 7 - First Reconciliation and First Communion! Bedtime moves from 7 pm to 7:30 pm after their First Communion.  I know, we're wild and crazy over here ;)

Ages 8-9 No major changes that I can think of.  We usually assess the kids interests and talents, move them to a more competitive league if they are showing more skill.  If they are interested in starting an instrument, sometime before age 9 is typically when that happens. Xander started piano lessons at age 6 and Declan started violin lessons at age 8.  Brendan wants to start piano really badly (he's 6) but the teacher thinks he should wait until age 7.  The kids move from baths to showers in these years, though sometimes I make them take a bath when I think they really need to soak a little longer than they scrub.

Age 10 - Double digits baby!  Bedtime moves to 8 pm.  They get a tablet on their birthday.  In truth, they can choose between having a friend birthday party or getting a tablet.  They have all chosen the tablet option except for Eamon, who had the party then bought a tablet with the gift money he received from that party!  He might be our sharpest tool in the shed as he figured out a way to get it all :)

Age 11-12 Bedtimes can get a little later depending on their middle school homework or sports practices and games.  Deodorant appears in stockings and daily showers happen!  Braces are consulted upon and put on if necessary, with the hope of being removed before high school starts.

Age 13 - They receive a Gabb Phone on their birthday, or another smartphone that we dumb down by taking away data and password protecting the app store.  They can babysit younger siblings now.  When they graduate from 8th grade, they receive a laptop for high school (it's required so we turn it into a gift).

Ages 14-15 High schoolers!  No more bedtimes, they just go to bed when they're homework is done or their sports are over.  These are tough years because they need rides everywhere and they want to do everything!  They also need to get a job at age 14 which is when they can get a work permit.

Age 16 - Friend party for their birthday. Open a checking account and get debit card.  Get their driver's permit, having started driver's ed around 15 years 9 months.  Sweet sixteen means they are allowed to date when they have a JOB and a CAR.  Basically, we will not be driving our kids around on dates or financing them.  If you want to take a girl out to dinner, you need to be able to pay for both of your dinners and pick her up and drop her off.  Of course, we talk a lot about the purpose of dating, which is to find your spouse, and encourage them to be friends with the opposite sex and hang out in groups.  When you are sixteen you most likely are not going to start dating your future spouse (though it did happen to two of my siblings!) but you should be dating someone with the qualities you hope to find in your future spouse and stop dating that person when you realize he/she is not the one.  If we could have it our way (insert maniacal laugh) we would prefer they wait until college to date seriously.

Age 17 - Just the same as 16 really except that now they are licensed drivers and their "chore" becomes helping us drive around siblings which nobody seems to mind as it's a chance to drive.  They also get data on their phones since they need to use Maps and check emails, etc.  Once senior year starts, we allow them to sleepover friends' houses as a sort of gateway between living at home and college.  I feel like we are used to them not being home more often than being home between work, sports and social activities now.  It's sad but necessary!

Age 18 - Birthday gift is luggage for college.  For a graduation gift from high school - the boys get a new suit to use at prom and then for college/job interviews (not sure what to get for Maggie yet).  Then they go to college and we just pray we did enough right in raising them and let God take care of filling in the cracks.

Age 19+ Parenting never ends.  Just a friendly reminder :)  And then hopefully, the grandkids come and you can watch your children get their payback become parents themselves!